Sweet Merlin Get Away from Me
by greenikat89
Summary: MWPP: James is a girl, Peter becomes the most wanted boy in Hogwarts, and the entire school thinks Remus is pregnant with Sirius’ baby. All in all it’s just another normal day for the Marauders.
1. 1 Thinks and Zombie Barbies

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. I just do this for fun. If I did, well things would be so much different.

A/N: Here's my first and only author's note for this entire story. I'm slowly revising and editing so many parts will be cut out in chapters to come to make the story flow better and easier to read. Possibly a slight plot change while I'm at it but nothing too major. Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing and especially the anon encouragement. I didn't really like this story but I'm pleased people want to read this and I won't deny you that. Please feel free to point out any mistakes so I may fix them for I cannot stand typos and I know you guys don't like reading them. As a warning updates will be very slow due to busy schedules just so you know. Okay, go read now.

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**Chapter 1:Thinks and Zombie Barbies **

"We're the kings of practical jokes, the masters of pranks, the lords of tomfoolery; we're the Mauraders for Merlin's sake!" Sirius exclaimed stalking around the fifth year dorm room agitatedly.

"And?" James asked lazily from his stretched out position on his bed playing with a golden snitch toy.

Sirius whirled around to glare at his friend. "We're supposed to be thinking up our latest prank and we haven't thought of a single one. Not even _one_!" He moodily caught the snitch out of the air James had been tossing and bounced it against the floor. "Someone's going to take our title if we're not careful." He flopped down on Remus' bed almost squashing Remus flat. Remus just gave him a quelling look before shifting over to make room.

"I highly doubt someone is plotting to take our 'titles,' Sirius," Remus murmured rolling up his parchment he'd been doodling on instead of his Charms homework. Oh well, it was a Saturday afternoon. There was plenty of time to do it tomorrow.

"That's what they want you to think," Sirius muttered darkly while fiddling with the gold colored toy. "Then when we're lured into a false sense of security- _BAM!_" He tossed the ball violently against the ground where it bounced and rolled under James' bed. "There's now a new group of Marauders parading around and being hailed as kings." Remus snorted and shook his head but didn't say anything.

"I've got a plan," Peter spoke up from his bed nestled amongst the pillows and reading comics.

"You mean something along the lines of glue and owl feathers?" James asked dryly, throwing the recovered ball up high where it promptly got stuck in the folds of the canopy curtains. James muttered darkly as he looked around for his wand near his bed.

"We could collect feathers in the owlery and charm them on people to make them look like giant chickens."

"Why?" came James' muffled voice from under the bed. Dust bunnies, broken quills, and a pair of boxers with tiny snitches printed on them appeared on the other side of the bed followed by a hand. It fumbled around for a moment grasping at objects before it closed around a broken candy cane from last Yule.

"Giant chickens are hilarious," Peter offered sucking at the end of a blood pop. "We could even make them squawk like one." He curled his hands under his arms and flapped around to demonstrate. "At least it was an idea. I don't see you lot spitting out any suggestions."

"That's because we wait until there's good idea before we blurt out any old answer," James replied crawling out from under his bed and walking over to his trunk. He flipped open the top and started pulling out clothes and other supplies stopping to examine a Witch Weekly magazine before resuming to look for his misplaced wand. Little did he know that is was tucked behind his ear which Remus pointed out to him promptly.

"What we need is a prank to end all pranks," Sirius said. He stared up at the ceiling with one hand under his chin and the other lazily twirling his hair. Remus had called it Sirius' thinking mode while James had commented snidely that it was Sirius' girly pose, one of many. "What haven't we done before that's absolutely brilliant?" He tapped his foot on the purple stained floor from an experiment last month. "I thought I had an idea yesterday when James came upstairs," Sirius muttered more to himself.

"Really?" James asked. "I'm surprised. I thought you had washed what little brains you had down the drain after the total freak out yesterday."

"Hey! I can't help it if I like my hair clean," Sirius defended.

"There's a difference between clean and clean to the point of obsession, Padfoot. It was a total girl fest yesterday." His voice took on a high falsetto quality as he attempted to mimic Sirius' voice. "'James is my hair clean?' 'James does my hair look anything less than perfect?' 'James am I becoming totally obsessed with my hair?'" His voice changed back to its normal tenor sound. "I swear mate, if I didn't know you any better I'd never-"

"That's it!" Sirius shouted springing up from the bed suddenly causing Remus to topple over. "That's it! That's what we should do!" Sirius shouted gleefully jumping up and down on Remus' bed making the boy fall off the edge. "It's perfect!" he crowed missing the look Remus threw at him as Remus dusted himself off. Sirius spun around narrowly avoiding hitting his head on the bedpost in his excitement. James stared at Sirius baffled as Peter screwed up his face in puzzlement.

"I don't get it. We're going to prank Snape into washing his hair? That doesn't seem very great." Sirius hopped off the bed leaving a frazzled Remus behind as he threw open his arms wide.

"No. As much as that greasy git needs a good washing this is a thousand times better. No, scratch that, a million." He laughed to himself. "This is the best prank yet and I can't believe you guys aren't as excited as me." He danced around in a circle, his black hair wildly whipping around his head.

Remus, the only person who seemed capable of talking through Sirius maddening antics spoke up. "Maybe we can be excited, Padfoot if you told us what the prank was." Sirius stopped dancing abruptly and lunged towards his trunk. He threw open the lid and chucked clothes, magazines, and even a deactivated stink bomb across the room while cackling madly to himself.

"I think that Sirius has finally lost it," Peter said frightened from his hunched position on his bed.

"He never had it to begin with Peter," James responded ducking as a pack of exploding snap cards whizzed past his head.

Sirius stood up and whirled around with a manic gleam in his gray eyes and something clutched tightly behind his back. "Moony, Wormtail, Prongs what I will reveal today will be our greatest prank yet. It will go down as the greatest prank pulled in the history of pranks. Statues will be made of our likeness and books will be written about the prank that was seen in the hallways of Hogwarts. Our children, and our children's children, and our children's children's children, and-"

"Just get on with it!" James snapped drumming his fingers against his comforter.

Sirius held up a hand for silence. "Patience my good man, for what I'm about to reveal will be the greatest prank ever. We, the Marauders, as in you, Moony, Wormtail, and I will turn those poncy, good for nothing-" James opened his mouth to yell at Sirius again but Sirius finished quickly, "-conniving Slytherins into this!" From behind his back he whipped out a hideously deformed Barbie doll. Its clothes were burnt and grimy, the limbs were twisted at odd angles and half the face was melted into a blackened lump. All in all in was the ugliest doll anyone had ever seen far surpassing that one time Sirius had attempted to stitch together a voodoo doll of the DADA professor.

A heavy silence hung in the air as the three boys stared at the deformed doll. "Where did you get that?" Remus asked in the silence with a look of disgusted fascination on his face.

"We're turning the Slytherins into zombie Barbies?" Peter asked confused, utterly bewildered at Sirius' line of thought. James just exploded with laughter.

Sirius was undeterred by the unenthusiastic expressions on his friends' faces. "No Peter, we're not turning the Slytherins into zombie Barbies," he said patiently. "I got this doll from Bellatrix, Remus. And James, you prat, will you shut up and let me tell you my brilliant plan?"

Remus was looking skeptically at Sirius. "I find it hard to believe that anything feminine would come from Bellatrix."

Gray eyes narrowed as Sirius scowled at the doll. "She used to practice the _crucio _curse on it when she was little until she found out that live subjects worked much better." He shrugged indifferently as if it were no big deal although the exact opposite was true and wisely no one pressed the matter.

"I still don't understand what you're driving at, mate." James ran a hand through his already messy black hair making it stick out on end like ruffled feathers. The occasional snicker escaped from his mouth at the sight of the doll but he tried to stay calm for Sirius' sake. It _did _sound like it could be a good plan.

Sirius heaved an exasperated sigh. "Geeze Prongs, do I have top spell it out for you? I'm saying we're going to turn the Slytherins into girls!" He waved the deformed doll around in Remus' face. Remus pushed the doll away in disgust.

"All of them?" James asked returning to his earlier game of catch the snitch.

"Yes, all of them," Sirius answered sarcastically. "James don't be as bad as Peter." Peter squawked in protest but didn't add anything else in defense. "Of course not all of them because some of them are already girls." He paused thoughtfully with a hand on his chin. "Well, at least I think some of them could be considered girls."

"Why?" Remus asked. "Sure, it has merit but I don't really see the appeal of it."

"Why?" Sirius gasped clutching his chest. "Not you too Remmy!" he cried.

Remus wrinkled his nose in distaste. "You know I don't like to be called by that childish nickname Sirius."

"And_you_ know that I don't like the Slytherins Remus," Sirius shot back. He flopped down next to Remus. "And that's why we're going to turn Snivellus and the rest of those waste of space Slytherins into the fairer sex. Just think of the embarrassment."

"And the torment," James chimed in.

"And all the photos we'll take." Sirius' eyes grew wide with all the possibilities.

"And don't forget about the blackmail, " James whispered as if it were something sacred. Sirius burst into maniacal laughter along with James. "This is going to be great," James said rubbing his hands together before exploding into another bought of laughter.

"But how are we going to do it?" Remus asked after waiting for the laughter to die down a bit. "It's not like we can slip polyjuice potion into their drinks unnoticed. In case you guys haven't observed lately, the entire Slytherin table now checks their food incessantly thanks to your lovely version of the cheering charm last week."

Sirius leaned against Remus putting his hands behind his head. He sighed in contentment at the memory as he crossed his ankles. "It was worth that week of detention to hear the entire Slytherin table sing, 'Hail the Mighty Gryffindors.'"

"In front of the entire school," James added.

"And during the Gryffindor against Slytherin Quidditch match," continued Peter.

"Which we beat their sorry arses in," concluded Sirius. "Even ole' McGonagall couldn't help but give a small smile when Snape ran into the center of the field decked out in Gryffindor colors and proclaimed his love for our noble house."

"After which he and his goons tried to hex you to kingdom come," Remus couldn't resist adding.

Sirius waved it away airily. "As if anything he can do will concern me."

"Still," Remus persisted, "how do you propose to do it?"

"Oh, I have my ways," Sirius said mysteriously.

Remus groaned. "In other words it means mountains of research for me to do. Getting headaches from reading too much not to mention sneaking into the restricted section to gather information for you guys."

Sirius turned around to give Remus an angelic grin. "You know me too well, Remmy."

Remus rolled his eyes as he pushed Sirius off his bed. "And you don't know me well enough." Sirius landed on the floor with a loud thump. Unperturbed he laid on the floor with his hands behind his head and his legs propped up on Remus' bed.

"So boys," Sirius began with a toothy grin of pure mischief on his face that was reflected by each of the Marauders in return, "let's begin, shall we? Fame awaits us."


	2. 2 The Worst That Could Happen

**Chapter 2: The Worst That Could Happen**

"What time is it Moony?" Sirius asked suddenly in the quiet Common Room. He had been regaling his friends with the newest detention he had received from the DADA Professor to pass the time until they could safely implement the prank.

Remus stopped revising an essay paper for Transfiguration to look at his watch briefly. "We have another forty-five minutes to go, Padfoot." Sirius sighed as he wandered over to Remus leaving James to put the cards back in the box. He sat down on Remus's lap heavily and flung his legs over the chair's arm. Remus had moved his scroll before Sirius could sit on it and now set it atop Sirius's legs so he could finish his homework. This was stopped when Sirius grabbed his wrist to check the time. True to Remus's word, there was still another forty-five minutes to go until their plan could safely begin.

"What are we going to do until then?" Sirius moaned dropping Remus' wrist.

"We could go over our list one more time," Remus suggested absently as he realized he had spelled a word wrong on his scroll. Remus' mutterings were drowned out when Sirius protested.

"Aww, c'mon Moony. We've been over it enough," Sirius groaned. "Don't you think we have it down pat?" he asked sitting up straighter to list the steps. "We found the spell that would only change the boys into girls for an extended period of time. We found out what time the Slytherins go to sleep so our prank wouldn't be interrupted. We even, thanks to you and our map, know where the professors are going to be and what their rounds are like," Sirius said as he ticked off each item on his fingers with the quill he had snatched from Remus's hand. James nodded in agreement as he sat on the couch across from Remus and Sirius.

"That spell you found in the corner of the restriction section should work like a charm. You did all the proper research on it."

Remus looked unconvinced. He had finished his homework and put it away to give his full attention to the subject at hand. "Still, I think there are one or two minor details that we seem to be forgetting. I haven't finish reading all of the spell book yet."

"What else is there to read, Moony? We know how to say the spell, the proper way to put it on the archway of the Slytherin rooms, and how long it should last. Everything will be perfect." Sirius reassured. "Personally, I can't wait for tomorrow. I think Sevvy would be perfectly at ease as a girl. He already has the underwear."

Remus groaned. "Please Sirius, as if I needed a reminder of that prank you pulled."

"_I _still can't believe that Snape even owns a pair of frilly pink under shorts, much less wears the thing," James said looking a little grossed out at the memory.

"And if Snivellus thought that was humiliating, he won't know what to think tomorrow," Sirius cackled as he took Remus's wrist again to look at the time. He let out a whoop of joy startling Peter who had fallen asleep at the table.

"Wha-?" he asked groggily lifting his head from his opened textbook. James suppressed a smirk as he saw the quill that was attached to Peter's face. The feather left a distinct impression on Peter's cheek when he had pulled it off.

"It's time!" Sirius whispered excitedly jumping up from Remus's lap. James looked just as excited as Sirius. His earlier boredom was gone from his eyes.

"Be back in a sec," he called out quietly as he dashed upstairs to get his cloak and the map. Sirius waited impatiently for James to return, hopping on first one foot then the other.

"How would you like your hoards of followers to see you acting like an over excited child?" Remus asked bemused. Sirius continued to fidget but not quite as much.

"Well seeing as they're not here now I don't see that as a problem," Sirius retorted. James saved Sirius from a rebuke by Remus when he darted down the stairs clutching his cloak.

"Ready?" he asked opening the door for the others to walk out. Sirius nodded and flashed a smile at Remus.

"Relax Moony," he said to the still uneasy Remus. "What's the worst that could happen?" Remus couldn't respond because the cloak was thrown over him and they were off.

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It was many twists and turns, skirting around Peeves, dodging the professors, and many many staircases later until the Marauders found themselves standing in front of the Slytherin entrance way down in the dungeons. If it weren't for the Marauder's map they would have never found it because the entrance looked like any other spot of the stonewall. The only difference was the marginally darker colored stones and the slight aura of something dangerous emitting from them. Remus guessed it was some dark magical creature that guarded the entrance that only Slytherins knew of.

Remus wasn't too sure if his guess was true because he wasn't close enough to the entrance. That was fine with him because he was the lookout anyway. Out of all of them, Remus was the best one because his heightened senses could hear the professors walking down the hall or smell the faint scent of Mr. Reffel, the caretaker's giant rat.

"Are you almost done?" Remus breathed from down the hall. He didn't dare raise his voice above a whisper on the off chance the Slytherin guardian could hear. James shook his head as he concentrated on keeping Sirius levitated so he could put the hex in place. Peter was helping to a lesser extent by casting a very dim_lumos_ spell so Sirius could see what he was doing. Although Peter was helping his concentration was more or less not showing how nervous he was of the dungeons and all the things that could lurk there. To be fair, he was keeping a partial eye out on Sirius too so he didn't fall.

Peter tried to suppress a shiver as he thought he heard a rat skitter by which was ridiculous because his animagnus form was a rat. Really, he shouldn't be afraid of them by now. He was still friends with Remus after they had found out Remus was a werewolf. At first, he might have been the teensiest bit afraid but he would never abandon his friend Remus and he hadn't. Alongside Sirius and James he had studied and became an anmagni so they could be with Remus during the full moon. So really he shouldn't be afraid of a silly old rat that he had probably shared cheese with in the past.

Peter tried to reassure himself but he couldn't contain the slow shiver that walked down his spine as he heard an ominous groaning sound echoing down the dark dungeon. There really could be things lurking down that hallway Peter reasoned to himself. He even heard how a seventh year was dared to go deep into the bowls of Hogwarts and that he was never seen again. It was said there was a monster with sharp fangs and piercing red eyes and a body at least fifty meters long. Peter's breathing became clipped and faster as he pictured the monster slithering in the walls coming to get him. Its glowing eyes would be the first to appear in the darkness steadily becoming larger and larger.

Remus's ears perked up as he thought he heard a sound. It had been uneventful and quiet so far, with the exception of Peter's heavy breathing, in the hallway and Remus wasn't sure if someone was coming yet. It wouldn't do any good to send out a false alarm and risk the chance of Sirius performing the hex wrong. He waited a couple more minutes before catching the heavy tread of what he guessed was either Professor Kaglescorn or Professor Slughorn. He spun around and softly ran down the hallway towards his friends. "Quick, we have to go. It's one of the professors!" he hissed waving his arms around to catch their attention. James and Sirius didn't hear him because they were too intent on finishing the task.

Unfortunately, Peter did and was badly startled when Remus tapped him on the shoulder. He dropped his wand with a curse extinguishing the meager light and rammed blindly into James in his escape to get away. Sirius shouted as he was suddenly dropped from his very high position. The spell he was working on exploded from the tip of his wand uncontrolled and ricocheted around the hallway. Remus dropped to the floor avoiding the spell that grazed his head only to let out a grunt as Sirius knocked into James and both of them fell on top of him. They covered their heads as the brightly colored spell bounced around wildly before hitting the archway directly above them and dissolved into a million tiny sparks.

They didn't have time to savor their almost narrow brush with the wayward hex when clear footsteps thudded against the floor. "Who's there?" snarled a gruff voice down the corridor. "It's after hours, after hours and there's going to be punishment!" The Hogwarts caretaker, Apollyon Pringle, shouted gleeful to the scrambling Marauders as they untangled themselves. "I know it's you you little hooligans, don't think I don't know what you always do after hours! Isn't that right Mr. Reffel?" The giant pet rat squeaked in response as his long nails clicking against the flagstones. "Yes that's right, Mr. Reffel knows and we're gonna catch you this time!"

"This way," Remus hissed casting a weak _lumos _and pointing down the opposite end of the hallway. Sirius had just enough time to grab his wand before they were flat out running.

Pringle's steps followed closely behind as he continued to bellow at them "Can't pull one over Pringle's eyes, no you can't! I'll get you, detention every last one o' you!" he cackled gleefully. Remus was in the lead followed by Sirius and James as they rounded another corner and up a flight of stairs. Peter was already long gone, scared witless at the monster that was coming for him and was already safely back inside the Gryffindor tower underneath his bed. Pringle was still yelling, hounding their footsteps as the portrait came into view after many staircases, dead ends, and twisting hallways later.

James was panting loudly as beads of sweat rolled down his face as the Fat Lady asked him for the password. "Fizzing whizbees!" he gasped out before flinging himself through the doorway after Remus and Sirius. The door closed behind him with a snap sealing out Pringle's enraged cries at the pranksters he had lost. James could hear Sirius breathing shallowly and slightly winded, as he lay on top of Remus too tired to move.

"We-…well," Sirius panted after a moment's silence, "that… was sure… fun."

Remus groaned in response as he tried to move underneath the heavy weight crushing him. He moved his head slightly so his face wasn't pressed into the floor. "I say it could have gone much much better," Remus mumbled.

James was sprawled on the floor near Sirius's head. He raised his arms to try and push Sirius off of Remus but the effort proved too much. He dropped his arms weakly and decided to just poke Sirius instead. "Padfoot," he called out. "Padfoot yer crushin' Moony," he said weakly. He prodded Sirius again before giving up. It was too much work to do anyway.

"M'not," Sirius muttered in protest. "Ri' Moony?" He looked sideways at Remus who seemed to be asleep. Sirius chuckled feebly, still tired from his mad dash down and around the school. "I guess the wolf couldn't handle all the excitement," he said to James slowly as he ruffled Remus's hair. In response Remus got up forcing Sirius to roll off of him.

"Well, as much as I love blindly running around in the dark by an enraged and most likely insane Pringle, I'm going to bed." Remus had regained some strength and managed to pull himself up into a standing position using the back of a chair. James followed suit and they both grabbed one of Sirius' arms and hauled him to his feet. Sirius leaned on them and together they staggered up the stairs with James occasionally prodding Sirius to get him to move faster.

James fell into his bed next to Sirius' and was asleep before his head had hit the pillow as Remus helped Sirius to his bed. Sirius looked disappointed as he sank down on top of his bed covers. "After all that work Moony you'd have thought our plan would have worked out. Instead it was botched because of Peter."

Remus yawned and looked over at Peter. He could see Peter's foot peaking out from under the bed. "It was an accident Padfoot, just like all the other ones." Sirius shrugged but patted the spot next to him for Remus take a seat. Remus nodded sitting down with his back against the headboard. "Even the best laid plans can go awry Sirius," he said philosophically. "Besides," he added, "we can work on another master plan tomorrow. Right Prongs?" James didn't respond as Remus realized he was already fast asleep.

There was silence in the sleepy dorm room only to be periodically punctuated by Peter's loud snores as he slept. Sirius thought that Remus had fallen asleep beside him when Remus spoke, more to himself. "I do wonder," Remus thought aloud after a couple minutes of thinking, "what happened to the spell? Will it still work or was it altered?"

"Relax Moony," Sirius said sleepily turning on his side. "Everything will be fine. Like I said before, what's the worst that could happen?" Remus was still unsure as he mulled over the question. He didn't get to an answer that night because unbeknownst to him he had drifted off to sleep.

It had seemed like only minutes had passed since Sirius had fallen asleep when he woke up in unusually good spirits. It was a Monday today and Sirius didn't want to get up yet so he snuggled closer to his very warm pillow that suddenly gave a slight snore. Startled Sirius snapped open his eyes and saw he was holding an unfamiliar girl curled up on her side next to him. Sirius couldn't recall having slept with a girl last night and he definitely wouldn't have used his own bed for it. He didn't like the awkward morning conversation that usually followed when he did.

The girl shifted in her sleep and moved closer to Sirius. He caught the faint whiff of sharp spices and mint tea that reminded him of…Remus? Sirius eyes widened as dreadful realization hit him. Hastily he flipped the girl on to her back to get a better look at her face. Sirius hoped he was wrong and that he really had slept with an unfamiliar girl, then he could just brush off his insane behavior. His hopes were soon dashed when the girl let out an indignant squeak and opened her eyes. A very familiar pair of amber eyes peaked out beneath thick lashes causing Sirius to gape.

"Guys," Sirius said shakily in an unnaturally high voice that startled him. It was then he noticed the graceful sparkly pink-nailed hands that were holding down Remus and realized they were his own. He gulped looking at the now equally amazed and very feminine Remus. "I think we have a problem."

"You're telling me," came a girly voice. Sirius's whipped his head around to see a feminized James. "I just hope to all that is holy we don't have to ask Snape for some extra undergarments." Peter who had just came out of the bathroom after taking a shower looked wide-eyed as his now very female friends. He caught James's comment and looked a little green at the mention of Snape's unmentionables.

"I know," Sirius said oddly, trying to get used to his not so manly voice. "Have you seen the kind of bras he owns? They are definitely not going to fit these girls," he said gesturing to his now impressive chest. Remus rolled his eyes as he tried to settle his nerves, even in the oddest situations Sirius could still keep his sense of humor.

Peter ignored Sirius' comment in order to hold onto at least some shred of sanity. James looked almost as ill as Peter was as he clutched his bed sheets up to his chin.

"What would Lily say?" James asked worriedly as he shut his eyes tightly as if he was trying to will away his girlish figure. Peter looked at Sirius who was sitting atop Remus as he repeatedly poked his chest with a fascinated expression before turning to James.

"Well look at it this way James. At least now you have a chance that Lily will notice you." James shot Peter a withering glare as he ran a hand through his messy chin length hair.

Sirius laughed, which came out more like a giggle, and flashed Peter a thumbs up. "Ah, attacking James when his defenses are down. That's very Slytherin of you Peter," he complimented. Peter flushed and gave a wobbly smile. He was always painfully shy and nervous around girls and now with his friends as them it was somehow worse.

"Peter will you keep it down?" grumbled a voice from the corner of the room. Everyone stilled, they had forgotten that there were other people in the room. Allan Morathi was an African boy who shared the dorm room with the Marauders. Usually he was easy going and good-natured even to the Slytherins, but he did like his sleep and refused to get out of bed earlier than necessary, which made him cross in the mornings.

A hand shot out from under the covers and fumbled around for his watch on the bedside table. He groaned after looking at it. "It's bloody seven in the morning. I have at least another hour until it's time for breakfast." He threw the covers off of him to glare at Peter. "Can't you…" he trailed off as he saw the three gorgeous girls surrounding Peter. His eyes widened in astonishment. "Merlin Peter, three birds?" he asked in disbelief looking between Peter and the girls, particularly the cute auburn haired one with the amber eyes. "Wait'll everyone hears about this."

Remus groaned and closed his eyes. The initial shock of turning into girls had worn off only to be replaced by dread. If Allan told the entire school they were girls anything could happen, and most likely it would be something humiliating. Sirius' words echoed in his head causing Remus to have visions about how bad the day would go. Yes Sirius that was the million-dollar question, Remus thought, what's the worst that could happen indeed.


	3. 3 Panty Raid

**Chapter 3: Panty Raid**

Remus thought they looked ridiculous standing outside the Slytherin entranceway to ambush Snape. Remus gazed at James who was standing beside Peter. Remus thought that James looked sort of like a sausage because he was bursting out of his clothes although far from a sausage James was. He was tall and lean and had developed quite a lot of well-toned muscles from over the years of being a Chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

James was leaning against the wall and was breathing shallowly so he wouldn't pop off any more of the buttons on his white collared shirt. He had stuffed himself into his school uniform despite the fact that they were obviously too small for him because of his new body, but as James had insisted he wasn't wearing any "girly froufrou" clothes if he could help it. Not that there was anything wrong with it if someone did James had said afterward, it just wasn't for him.

Sirius had said the exact opposite and had eagerly slipped on a tye-dye skirt and pink sweatshirt from his trunk. Remus hadn't been too surprised as it was part of Sirius' Halloween costume from last year. That didn't stop him from frowning as Sirius had shoved some clothes at him when it became clear Remus couldn't fit into his uniform. Of course there was still the glaring problem of underwear for their new figures. Since everyone wanted to avoid awkward conversations if they asked the girls the Marauders had to result to other means. Thus here they were, waiting for Snape to come out the Slytherin entrance so they can accost him for his panties and bras. Remus never dreamed he would say panty and Snape in the same sentence but there it was, and here he was.

Remus was tugging on his too short miniskirt when the stones vanished and Snape stepped through the doorway. Before Snape could say, "garter belt" he was grabbed by two pairs of manicured hands and forced back into his common room. He looked bewildered as two unfamiliar girls roughly shoved him up against the wall. "Hello Snape. What a pleasure to see you," the girl with the outrageous makeup said mockingly. Snape quickly shook off his bafflement and slipped on his stoic façade.

"To what do I owe this unpleasant pleasure ladies?" he asked quietly watching as another girl in a short skirt appeared behind Outrageous Makeup and the Manly One. He thought he saw another person slip in but he couldn't be sure because Manly One began to speak.

"We need something of yours, and you're going to give it to us."

Snape arched a black eyebrow in query. "Oh?" he asked politely. "Well, would it be too much to ask why I should give something of mine to three unfamiliar, not to mention unpleasant, girls?" he inquired mildly.

"Listen you horrible little prat, you're going to give us your bras and panties, which I know you have, and then we'll be out of here," Outrageous Makeup growled. Snape gave no outward indication that he was surprised by the strange outburst. Who were these girls? Outrageous Makeup's face twisted into a snarl as Manly One ruffled her hair in agitation.

It was then that Snape's brain clicked and he put actions to faces. "My, my," he murmured, "I guess with your astounding persuasiveness, I will get them for you." He paused. "Black," he said causally looking at Sirius. His thin pale lips twisted up into a spiteful smirk when Sirius cursed under his breath. "And I'm assuming Manly One must be Potter, and the other one Lupin?" he asked in cold amusement. He looked around exaggeratedly. "Ah, and there's the fat one," he said catching Peter trying to hide behind a dark green high backed chair.

"Watch it Snivellus," James threatened. Snape looked down his hooked nose at James distastefully but didn't comment.

Sirius rolled his eyes and sighed in frustration. This was getting them nowhere. "Look guys, we're wasting time. Remus, you come with me and we'll raid Snape's room for the goods. James and Peter, you stay down here and keep an eye on Snivellus and the door for more Slytherins." James nodded in agreement as Sirius let go of Snape to go up stairs with Remus. Peter looked a little ill at ease but watched Snape with his wand pointed somewhere in the general vicinity of the entranceway at the same time.

Sirius could barely make out some comment from Snape but that was fading as he climbed the spiral stone staircase. He noticed the rich dark green carpeting on the stairs and the gloomy pictures of pure-bloods on the walls and thought it was all very rigid and formal and utterly depressing, just like the Black family house.

Remus followed closely after Sirius, idly trailing his hand along the banister. He got to the top of the stairs that overlooked the common room. He could see Snape held at wand point by James and Peter.

Remus turned left at the top of the stairs and followed the imposing male portraits, up a couple more stairs, past many elaborately furnished and aristocratic rooms to where Sirius was standing in front of the open 5th years' door. "Spooky isn't it?" Sirius asked venturing into the room. "No matter how many times I come here it's still eerie. It looks almost exactly like our room except for all the green and silver."

"Hmm," Remus said noncommittally, brushing past Sirius to Snape's bed which was in the darkest corner of the room. Everything was neat and in its proper place. The books were stacked neatly and almost lovingly under the bed and out of sight from prying eyes. The covers were smoothed and turned down and the corners were tucked under the bed.

"It's disgusting how neat everything is." Sirius commented, wiping his finger along the Snape's bedpost. He was disappointed to find there wasn't any dust on his finger. There went his insult about Snape wallowing in his own filth.

Nope, no underwear so far, Remus thought brushing a stray hair behind his ear. Maybe behind that cauldron pushed up against that wall? "Sirius I keep my things this neat. This might as well be my area we're looking through." Remus banged his head on the underside of the bed as he was roughly dragged backwards by his ankles.

"Don't ever say that!" Sirius gasped sitting on Remus's back as he clutched one hand to his heart. "You almost gave me a heart attack." He shuddered. "I just had horrible visions of Snape as my best mate. I think I'm going to be sick." Sirius did look a little pale.

Remus pushed Sirius off as he got up. "I don't see what's so bad about having Snape as a friend. I extended my hand many times in friendship."

"And got your hand hexed in the process," Sirius said darkly as he remembered Remus walking away from Snape with his hand covered in ugly red blisters.

"He just needs some time Sirius," Remus said soothingly. "We_have _given him a hard time over the years," he reminded. "For example, right now we forced our way into the Slytherin's living quarters, threaten Snape at wand point, and are right now riffling though his things for panties. What would you say to that?"

"I'd say he deserves every bit of it and more," Sirius retorted glibly as he flipped open the lid of Snape's trunk. "Now are you going to help me or do you like going commando? Have a little kinky side that you've been keeping me?" He looked hurt. "Think of all the interesting times we could have had if you had told me sooner," he sighed. "And now I don't have any marshmallows or cherries on me. Then we could have-"

"Let's just find the things okay?" Remus cut in before Sirius could finish his line of thought. Remus really just wanted to get out of here before something disastrous came up.

They worked in silence as they rooted through Snape's trunk. It had the usual commodities such as shirts, ties, socks, books, quills, and other paraphernalia. Sirius cursed as they hit the bottom of the trunk and were still panty-less. "I know he has some somewhere," he mumbled.

"They could be somewhere else," Remus commented as he folded Snape's clothes so they could be put back neatly.

"Bugger, I could have sworn they would be right here," he said as he thumped the bottom of the trunk. His ears perked up at the hollow sound it made. "Did you hear that, Remus?" Sirius asked excitedly. Remus had and was already prying up the false bottom.

"Ah hah beautiful booty!" Sirius cackled as he saw the treasure trove of panties of all colors, shapes, and sizes. "Gold Remus, gold! We're going to be rich, rich in panties and bras!" he laughed as he did a off-beat little jig.

"Yeah okay Sirius. Can you just grab some and go?" Remus pleaded ignoring Sirius' dancing. "The longer we spend here the more there's a chance of another Slytherin dropping in," Remus said slightly nervous as he apprehensively watched the doorway. "We still have to ask Dumbledore to change us back too."

"But Remus look at all the colors and textures!" Sirius exclaimed as he eyed a particularly bright and sparkly one.

"Look Sirius, just pick a couple for us and go. I think that-" Remus was cut off as he heard a thunderous bang followed by the sounds of confused shouts and fireworks. "Great," Remus muttered as he shot up from his crouched position and hurriedly walked out the door. Sirius loaded a bunch of panties into his arms and followed after Remus, but not before rolling a time released stink bomb underneath Snape's bed. He chuckled as he ran down the hallway and leaned over the balcony to look down.

It looked like one of Zonkos' Crazy Chaos Creators had exploded. The room was in total disarray. Multi-colored confetti rained down from the ceiling and furniture was ripped open or was overturned. There were splashes of different colors everywhere around the room and large pink clouds rose up from the carpet. Above it all there was the awful din of fireworks going off although Remus couldn't see where they were coming from.

Snape was running towards the door yelling threats over his shoulder. "Just you wait!" Snape raged over the sound of the fireworks that were still going off. "You'll get expelled, the whole lot of you when I tell Dumbledore!" He skirted around a particular large blob of blue jell-o goo. "Finally my dream will come true! The mighty Marauders expelled," he sneered gleefully as he dodged a pack of red and yellow animal balloons.

Peter found his wand on the floor and ran towards the door to block it off. This was his chance to redeem himself for upsetting another prank. He started sweating in panic but he firmly held his ground before the enraged Snape. He saw Snape's arm raise to hex him and Peter did the same. "Stupefy!" Peter shouted pointing his wand straight at Snape's chest just as his friends yelled out their spells.

"Petrificus totalus!"

"Incarcerous!"

"Densaugeo!"

Four brightly colored spells hit Snape in quick succession and stopped the boy in mid-rant. He jerked violently to the left before he crumpled to the ground. Remus slowed to a stop before the fallen Snape and looked down at him. "Well, that was unexpected," Remus commented batting a green alligator balloon to the side. By now the deafening noise of the fireworks was all but gone with only a sporadic pop every few minutes but that soon faded away.

Sirius picked up the stray bra that he had dropped in his rush to hex Snape and shoved it into his skirt pocket. "Unexpected but it worked Remus." James was beside Remus looking down at the unconscious Snape.

"So what do we do with him guys?" Remus asked worriedly. "We can't leave him here where someone might revive him. He could tell everything."

Sirius made a dismissing sound. "Remus even if, _if,_" he stressed, "someone does revive Snape then he wouldn't be able to tell anything. One of us hit him with a confusing charm so I don't think he'll be able to blurt anything out to anyone soon." Remus opened his mouth to protest but Sirius cut him off. "But seeing as how you're ever the worry wart we'll just lock Snape in an abandoned closet and lock the door."

Remus looked unsure but he reluctantly nodded in acceptance. He supposed that would buy them enough time to change back so Snape couldn't do any damage. "Sirius?" he asked looking down at Snape's very large front teeth.

"Hmm?" he replied.

"Did you give Snape buck teeth?"

"Yup," Sirius said proudly while brushing the shreds of paper out of his hair.

"May I ask why? I don't think that buckteeth could have stopped Snape from running out the door. At least James tied Snape in ropes and Peter stunned him."

Sirius looked at Remus as if he had mush for brains. "Can _you _talk intelligently with overly large teeth?" Remus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose but he didn't reply.

"Just levitate him James and let's go. First class starts in fifteen minutes and that's if we hurry," Remus said looking at his watch.

"So what if we're late? All the better to make our entrance," Sirius replied picking up the undergarments.

"I wonder how the Slytherins will react to their room?" Peter wondered after walking in silence down the hallway. "Turn right," he said looking at the Marauders' Map for an empty closet.

"Don't know don't care," Sirius replied as he opened up the dusty closet door with a flick of his wand. "Just dump him in here James," Sirius said opening the door wider. Remus quickly enchanted a bucket of paint into a pillow before Snape was unceremoniously dropped to the floor. "How much time is left Remus?" Sirius asked as he pocketed Snape's wand. He would give it back when Snape woke up. Eventually.

Remus glanced at his watch. "Ten, now c'mon I've been late enough for class over the years as it is," he said walking quickly down the hall. "I don't want to continue this appalling record." They still had to go back to the Gryffindor tower to change and collect their things for Charms.

"What's Flitwick going to do?" James asked as he charmed the door shut.

"Flitwick never gives detentions." Sirius said as he rounded a corner. "So relax."

"I won't be able to until this entire ordeal is over," Remus muttered.

"I think Sirius is right, Remus," Peter said. "Flitwick doesn't-" Peter didn't get to finish his thought because he quite literally bumped into Professor McGonagall. "P-Professor McGonagall," Peter stuttered. "So s-sorry. I didn't see you there," he said as Professor McGonagall straightened her robes as Sirius quickly shoved the undergarments in a suit of armor.

"It's quite all right Mr. Pettigrew," she said sternly raising a hand to check to see if her hat was still in place. "But who are these young ladies you're with?" They looked familiar, especially the black haired one who was grinning at her cockily.

"Why my dear Minerva. I'm hurt that you don't recognize your one true love," Sirius said as he placed a hand over his heart.

Professor McGonagall's eyebrows shot up but that was the only indication she gave that she was surprised. "Mr. Black," she stated more than asked. "And I presume Mr.'s Potter and Lupin also. What are you four doing in your current state?"

"Well Professor," Remus started, "we ran into a little problem last night."

McGonagall crossed her arms and looked down her nose at the boy. "You mean you were going to prank the Slytherins and the spell backfired?"

Sirius beamed and winked at her. "Right-o Professor. We were on our way to see Dumbledore to have this little problem corrected."

Professor McGonagall pressed her lips into a thin line. "You will not skip classes to see the headmaster due to your foolishness. Consider this part of your punishment for breaking the rules."

"But Professor Dumbledore?" Peter asked.

"You may talk to him after classes and speaking of classes they start in eight minutes. I'll have a house elf bring you proper uniforms for you to get dressed so you can get to class on time," she answered.

"So I guess this means you don't like my outfit Professor?" Sirius asked hurt. "I knew these jeans made my thighs look big! Why didn't anyone say anything?" he whined.

McGonagall resisted the urge to retire to her chambers early with a nice glass of firewhiskey. "You now have seven minutes to get to class and three minutes before I give you all detentions," she threatened. The Marauders quickly scampered out of sight leaving one harried professor with the beginning of a migraine. There was a metallic sound and McGonagall turned her head to see a suit of armor cough up a leopard print bra. She sighed and spelled away the clothing before walking towards her class. She could already tell this was going to be one of those days.

* * *

The boys were almost finished putting on their new uniforms and were putting on the final touches. James was clipping back his chin length hair with butterfly clips while Sirius was adding on some makeup in the mirror. Remus watched this and fervently wished that he didn't pick up any female mannerisms, or at least kept them to a minimal. He checked his watch before doing a double take.

"Sirius, James we have to go! We're late." Remus grabbed his books and threw open the door. "Sirius you can admire your reflection later, come _on _we have to go," he said dragging Sirius towards the door.

"Wait!" Sirius exclaimed as he slipped out of Remus' grasp. He ran over to the closet door. "I hope there's no hard feelings Morathi," he called out.

"Sirius lemme outta here!" Allan demanded from inside the locked closet where the Marauders had forced him in before they had left on their panty raid.

"Sorry but we didn't want you to go blab to everyone about us before we talked to Dumbledore. Don't worry though," Sirius added over the din Allan was making as he pounded on the door, "we'll let you out before class starts. You do have first period off you know?" Before Allan could protest that he did have class first period Sirius had cast a silencing charm on the door and spun on his heel. "Now you can grab me Remus," Sirius said holding up his arm. Remus shook his head in exasperation but grabbed Sirius's arm before throwing open the door to sprint to class.

James followed after and looked around the common room for Peter but he had already left and was probably sitting in the classroom on time. He didn't have more time to contemplate on Peter for his thoughts were taken up by not falling flat on his face as he flew down the hallway dodging other tardy students and racing the moving stairs.

The Charm's door loom in front of them and Remus stopped abruptly which caused Sirius to plow into him and James to plow into Sirius. Their momentum carried them into the door that burst open and smacked against the opposite wall with a loud bang. They fell in an undignified heap on the floor.

The classroom was silent as they watched the three unfamiliar girls who had burst through the door. "We…well that wasn't the entrance I w-was hoping for," Sirius gasped from the floor.

"Sor…sorry P-professor," James wheezed as he struggled to get up.

"Ye…yeah, we had some t…trouble this morning," Remus panted. He brushed the dirt from his knees as he got up.

Professor Flitwick looked at the girls in confusion. "I'm s-sorry," he squeaked from over the top of his desk. "Are you new students? I haven't seen you before."

"You could say that," Remus said evasively. He really didn't want it to get out that he had been changed into a girl. If they could think of a cover to last until the end of the day then he could avoid public humiliation.

"They're transfer students from, um, home schooling," Peter spoke up lamely from the back of the room. There were murmurs of surprise around the classroom. Remus wanted to bang his head against the nearest wall. Home schooling? Hogwarts had never taken on transfer students before and no one would believe all three of them were home schooled.

"Well, thank you girls and I welcome you to our school," Professor Flitwick greeted. "There hasn't been any transfer students in a while and I hope your stay is pleasant."

Remus just blinked. He…bought the story? "Um," Remus said intelligently. "Thank…you?"

Professor Flitwick didn't seem to notice the disbelief as he held up his quill to write down his student's name. "Now if I could just have your names to add to the list?"

"Oh," James said as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I'm Jam-" Sirius jabbed him in the ribs signaling that wasn't a good idea. "I mean I'm Janet Morrison."

"I'm Emily Beherent," Remus said quietly blushing as a few wolf whistles came from the boys.

"And I'm Frankie Bright," Sirius added. There were a few murmurs in the audience as Remus shot Sirius a confused look. "Well," Sirius elaborated, "I'm actually called Talitha Bright but I like to go by Frankie. Everyone at home did and I hope you will too." He gave his dazzling Sirius smile, which as a girl looked charming instead of arrogant. There was polite clapping as the Marauders made their way up towards Peter.

"Now I'm not sure how much you learned at home but right now we're learning about the Banishing Charm as I mentioned before. It's actually a very useful charm. It was first discovered in-"

Sirius tuned out the rest of what Flitwick was saying and whispered among his friends. "That went smooth. I can't believe we got away with it." He grinned. "I just can't help feeling we're forgetting something. What about you guys?" Peter shook his head but Remus had felt that there was something too.

"Yeah but I don't know what," Remus whispered. "We don't have any testsor quizzes today. No major projects or homework due either, not that we would be expected to turn then in since we're 'exchange students.'" Remus thought back to try to remember anything else that he was forgetting when his eyes widened. "Morathi!" he gasped just before the door banged open for a second time. Everyone stared as Allan Morathi staggered into the room.

"S-sorry I'm late Professor!" he gasped from his exercise running through the halls. He rested his hands on his knees.

"Well what's you're excuse?" Professor Flitwick asked among the titters of excitement.

"I h-had a difficult time coming out of the closet," he replied. A wave of shock and speculation washed over the class at Allan's statement. He seemed to realize what he had said and tried to fix it. "Wait Professor, I mean-"

Flitwick interrupted him. "Yes well, I congratulate you on your bold step forward and wish you the best of luck but will you please sit down and let me teach my class? The new girls interrupted it once and now you so I would like to get back on topic." He was barely heard over the noise the class was making. Allan's face grew hot with embarrassment as he walked to his seat. He noticed it was taken and looked around for another one. A very large Slytherin patted the seat next to him and winked at Allan lasciviously. Allan shuddered but trudged to the seat and carefully sat as far away from the boy as possible.

"So," the Slytherin started placing a hand on Allan's knee as he leaned in closer, "I'm not sure if I have this charm down right and I think there's something wrong. Do you…want to hold my wand for me?" he asked suggestively. Terrified Allan pushed back in his chair hard enough to make the legs snap off. He knocked into Gregory Alders who was sitting next to him and they both fell to the ground. Allan ended up on top of the poor Ravenclaw boy knocking their heads together.

In the process their lips somehow collided and a person called out, "Hey look! Morathi and Alders and passionately snogging!" From there the class basically went downhill as everyone stormed around the boys to get a better look and Professor Flitwick couldn't gain control of his class for the rest of the period.

Sirius surveyed the chaos and leaned back in his seat with his arms folded behind his head. This might turn out to be the best prank he'd ever pulled.


	4. 4 Behind Closed Doors

**Chapter 4: Behind Closed Doors**

Surprisingly, Peter's poorly crafted explanation that morning had held up rather nicely. Or at least, Remus reflected sitting in Transfiguration, none of the Professor's had called them on it. The way Dumbledore's eyes had sparkled during lunch when he had told the school that the new girls and the Marauders had entered an exchange program. The newly sorted Gryffindor girls would get a taste of school life and the Marauders would experience home schooling. If Remus were as paranoid as Peter, he'd say the Headmaster enjoyed fabricating a story for their new personas just a tad too much.

Remus was determined to keep a positive attitude and sat up straighter in his seat, forcibly reminding himself that girls didn't slouch. It was just two more classes until dinner and then after that they could all drop the act and go to Dumbledore for the spell to be reversed. Hopefully. As interesting as it was to freely parade around in a skirt without odd stares (not that Remus thought about doing that anyway), he could do without the appreciative looks of the males. If James had found out, or Merlin forbid Snape, Remus would never hear the end of it. It wasn't _his_ fault he made such an attractive female. He could just imagine what Snape would say when-

Remus shot up so fast that he knocked over his seat making it topple to the floor. Oh, Snape! How could he have forgotten about locking Snape in the closet? He was going to _murder_ them once he got out. Remus was halfway across the classroom towards the door when Professor McGonagall stopped him.

"Ms. Beherent," she exclaimed offended, "what are you doing disrupting my class?"

Remus halted; staring up into narrowed eyes and feeling a blush crawl across his face. He didn't want to anger Professor McGonagall who knew about their 'condition' and gone along with it, but he didn't have time for pleasantries right now. "Um," Remus stalled trying to find an answer. "I've got to, um… period!" he finally blurted out before edging around the irate professor and nearly running out the door.

Remus could hear laughter and McGonagall barking at 'Frankie' to sit down, but he didn't really care at the moment. Later he would probably be mortified but right now he was going to release Snape from his dark, wandless prison. Assuming Snape hadn't found a way out by sheer force of rage and was right now plotting the Marauders' downfall.

It didn't take long for Remus to reach the deserted hallway and slightly out of breath he reached the locked door. He pulled out his wand to unlock the door but hesitated and decided to knock first. He didn't relish facing the end of a wand held by an irate Snape. "Snape?" There was no answer. Remus tapped again a little more strongly than before. "Snape are you in there?" Still nothing.

He shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. Okay, so a silent Snape. Maybe if he just apologized then? "Look, I'm sorry for locking you in there. At least I gave you a pillow so it wasn't so hard." He pressed his ear to the door but he couldn't hear a thing through the wood. Remus sighed disgruntled and crossed his arms. "Well fine, don't answer you sullen jerk. You deserve to be locked in there with that attitude," he snapped angrily.

Remus turned to walk away, resolving to leave Snape in there until someone else found him but his steps faltered before he could get very far. "No, no wait," he sighed, the brief flash of anger leaving him just as quickly. "No one deserves to be locked in a closet, least of all you, Snape." Remus turned around standing right in front of the door again with his wand raised above the handle. "I know that if I open this door right now you're going to hex me into a black smudge on the ground and well," he paused, now was a good a time as any for an apology, "I've got some things to say to you."

Now that he had a chance to finally confront Snape on a few things Remus didn't know where to start. He fiddled with his wand nervously before gathering up the Gryffindor courage he was supposed to have. "I know we haven't been on good terms for awhile. In fact, I don't think we've ever been since the first time we met. Sirius was the one that had taunted you since first year and you always hated me on principle because I was his friend. You had a right to, I guess, because I've never once stopped them from harassing you. Even now."

Remus looked down ashamed, his fingers lightly brushing against his Perfect's badge. He frowned and covered his hand over it; he didn't deserve the title. Not after all he'd done. "Why? Why didn't I do anything to help you?" Remus paused, almost unwilling to explain why. "Because I was, well afraid. I was afraid of what I might lose. I've never had friends before, and then on the train ride to Hogwarts I suddenly acquired three. Suddenly the shy, quiet kid from nowhere had been accepted into a group. I belonged somewhere, Snape. I wasn't alone anymore. I was happy."

A faint smile tilted up the corner of Remus' mouth at the memory as he sat on the floor, his back propped up against the wooden door. He could almost imagine Snape on the other side mirroring his position. Perhaps he was sitting quietly, for once listening to what Remus had to say. And maybe, Remus thought with a glimmer of hope, forgiving too.

"When Sirius and James started tormenting you, I didn't want to say anything lest I lose that friendship, that feeling of belonging. I know it wasn't right and I know that I should have done something to stop it, but I didn't know how." Remus turned his hand up in a helpless gesture. " I still don't know."

"What I do know is that I'm sorry and that I want to be your friend. I want to share that feeling of happiness. I think you'd like it and well, I would too," Remus added softly. "What do you say?" Remus strained to hear any sound coming from the other side of the door. Seconds stretched into minutes as he waited for anything Snape had to say, be it an acceptance or an acid remark.

Remus slumped his shoulders slightly when no response came forth. "Okay Snape, I'll let you out now," he sighed disappointed as he tapped the doorknob with his wand and muttered the counter charm. "I just want you to know that my offer will always be open to you," he said quietly as he swung open the door only to find the room completely empty.

* * *

"Where is he?" Sirius hissed to James as he added in a teaspoon of salamander blood to his potion. They were stuck in the middle of Potions starting to brew the Strengthening Solution for Professor Slughorn. James shrugged but groused when Slughorn reminded him to stir in a counter clockwise manner.

"I don't know Sirius. I was with you when Pringle caught us scouring the halls for Remus."

"We could have been looking for Remus if someone hadn't sneezed when Filch walked by," Sirius grumbled as he added in the crushed spider legs.

"You know I have dust allergies. I could have kept it in if the suit of armor we were hiding in hadn't had so much dust."

"Well that's what you get for not cleaning the armor so well during our last detention," Sirius replied haughtily as he took a pinch of dried beetle wings and threw them into a Slytherin's cauldron. Hey, if he was going to be stuck in this dreadfully boring class then he was going to find some fun. Ah yes, that potion was turning a charming shade of purple instead of the intended light blue color.

Sirius hid a grin as the potion bubbled before it violently exploded sending jets of putrid smelling potion everywhere. Students groaned as it splashed on their clothes and in their hair.

"Oh dear," Professor Slughorn sighed. "I do hope this is a lesson for you all to follow directions closely. The beetle wings are supposed to go after the potion has been stirred 6 ½ times left then right." He took out a white linen napkin from his pocket and tried to clean the botched potion from his mustache. "You do know this means you will come after class and restart the potion?" The student nodded as they began to clean up their area. "As for the rest of you bottle your potion and put it back in your designated spot to let it mature for a couple days. Dismissed."

James and Sirius collected their things and headed towards their next class, Divination, waving at the new friends they'd made as 'the new girls.' "Remus will have a fit when he realized the notes he missed today," Sirius commented once he was out of earshot. He may have fun with his new persona but that didn't mean he wanted people to find out what really happened to the Marauders. There went any chance he had at being ranked the number one stud.

"It isn't like him to skive classes," James pondered out loud climbing up the stairs and through the hatch.

"Something big must have happened then," Sirius said a tad worried as he parted the beaded doorway.

"Something big has happened children!" the Professor called out as she waved her arms about making her gauzy clothing flutter about. "I have seen it with my inner eye! Something about deception, changes, lies, and fainting!"

"Oh goody," James muttered as he walked into the generously incense laden classroom.

* * *

Remus was feeling tired and irritable as he pulled open the door to look inside the closet one last time. He had been running all over the school looking for the boy and hadn't found him, finally deciding to check the closet one more time before giving up. His feet hurt from too much walking in his Mary Jane shoes, his legs were cold from the ridiculous uniform skirt, and he desperately craved some chocolate.

Remus sat on a pile of rugs as he tugged down his skirt where it had ridden up, about ready to cry. He was missing classes and running around school for a boy who probably hated his very soul, so why did he care so much? The answer came unbidden to his mind. "I could have ended up being like him," Remus realized softly.

It was true. If he didn't have the friends he has now he could have ended up like Snape. Maybe he wouldn't be as bitter and cruel but he would have been desperately alone and lost in his own melancholy thoughts while he yearned to fit in. That was why he tried so hard to befriend Snape, because he had known the isolation and fear of not belonging to anything. Remus thought that if Snape had just one friend then he would be happy to have someone who cared.

Remus' thoughts were interrupted when a nervous voice came out from the gloomy interior of the room. "Excuse me?" Remus looked around to find where the speaker was before he heard someone coughing directly below him. "You're sitting on my ribs. Could you please get off?"

Remus looked down to see the pile of rugs he had been sitting on was actually Snape. He was so surprised that he didn't brace himself when Snape sat up causing him to topple over. "Sn-Snape!" Remus exclaimed from his newfound position on the hard stone floor. "Have you been here the whole time?"

Snape peeked out from his curtain of lanky hair as he scooted to the corner of the room. "I don't know," he stated simply as he wrapped his arms around his knees.

Remus didn't understand at first because it was hard to hear Snape when he had those huge buckteeth courtesy of Sirius. "You don't know?" Remus asked baffled. "Who did you think I was apologizing to?" Remus was a little hurt. Hadn't his apology meant anything to Snape, or was he silently laughing at him right now?

"I didn't know you were talking to me," Snape answered quietly.

Remus muttered under his breath but pulled out his wand. Saying a quick spell to untie the ropes, he got up quickly incase Snape was ready to charge him. Strangely Snape just sat there more or less pressed up against the wall. "Aren't you going to class?" Snape just stared at him. Remus shrugged. _Well if he wants to sit here all day…_

He turned to leave when something caught the sleeve of his shirt. "Wait," Snape called. Remus was slightly excited. Maybe Snape was willing to accept his friendship? He regarded the boy politely as he waited to hear what he had to say. "Who am I?"

That little bubble of excitement Remus had popped and he got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Snape didn't know his name? That…was rather alarming, actually. "You're Snape," he responded, a feeling suspiciously like dread rising up inside him. "Could you tell me the last thing you remember?" Remus really hoped what his brain was frantically screaming at him was untrue.

Snape scrunched him his nose in concentration. "I remember getting ready for class and heading out my common room. It gets fuzzy after that. Why is it?" he asked slightly suspicious.

Just as Remus suspected, Snape didn't remember anything from yesterday. That should be a relief, shouldn't it? Now he couldn't blather to the school about the Marauders' new condition and cause school-wide humiliation. It was why they had hexed the boy in the first place. And yet… it wasn't what Remus wanted. "You have a minor lapse in memory," Remus said instead. "My name's Emily and I'm going to bring you to the hospital wing so the spell can be undone." He wasn't going to tamper with the spells anymore by trying to undo Snape's condition. Who knew what he'd do to the boy then? At least he hadn't forgotten everything.

"Okay," Snape agreed. Remus stood up, brushing dust off his skirt before lending a hand to Snape. They walked quietly down the hallway, Snape trailing after Remus as Remus led them up to the infirmary.

Remus was almost lost in thought when Snape tapped him on the shoulder. "Hm?" he asked absently as he tugged Snape away from the moving stairs.

"That kid you kept mentioning earlier, that was me wasn't it?" he asked solemnly.

"I-" Remus hesitated. Was he really going to lie to Snape? He glanced behind him at the dark haired boy, at the boy he could have been, and shook his head. He wouldn't lie. "Yes," he admitted quietly, tugging on Snape's sleeve towards the Hospital wing, "and I'm sorry." There was silence save for the scuff of shoes against the floor as they walked up the winding staircase before Remus pushed open the door.

"You're forgiven." Remus stopped suddenly at the soft-spoken words. He didn't have time to say something before Madam Pomfrey appeared from the back room.

"What seems to be the problem, Ms. Beherent?" she asked, looking over the two students for any obvious signs of injury.

Remus started at his name, still unused to people calling him by his fake name. "Um, my friend over there," he pointed, "was hit with a barrage of spells by accident and now is suffering from slight memory loss."

She scowled. "Why can't those students leave that boy alone?" she muttered more to herself as she walked over to Snape and started to look him over. She pulled out her wand casting a few basic spells before she set her wand aside. "Do you know what he was hit with?"

Remus tried to remember but he couldn't recall. It had been chaotic and noisy at the time and so he couldn't hear what his friends had said. In the end he shook his head no.

She clucked her tongue again. "Well that makes my job a little harder, but I'll see what I can do. Thank you for bringing him here. You may go now." She waved her hand towards the door, already pulling out ingredients from the medicine cabinet.

Snape looked slightly panicked as he saw Remus leaving. "Can she stay Madam Pomfrey? She's the only friend I have," he whispered. Remus was shocked once again by Snape. Without the defenses Snape had used to ward people away he was just scared and alone. Couple that with the fact that Snape's memory was spotty at best and Remus really was the only friend he had. The only one the boy remembered anyway. Remus wasn't sure what to think about that now or what would happen later once Snape regained his memory (probably murder him while he slept), but Remus couldn't leave him here even if he wanted to.

Remus stood there before coming to a decision. "Please?" he asked. "I might be able to think of some spells."

"Fine," Madam Pomfrey sighed, "just try not to upset my patient." She pointed to the chair next to Snape. Remus sat down gingerly. His friends must be worried sick and he was sure Professor McGonagall would like to have a few words with him once she found out that he skived classes. On the other hand it did present him with the opportunity he had always wanted, to be friends with Snape. It would only be for a little while anyways and then when Madam Erlina fixed Snape's memory things should go back to normal. A feeling almost like regret flashed through Remus' chest at the thought.

* * *

Sirius was twitching in his seat. _Where is he?_ He hadn't seen Remus all day since he skipped out of Transfiguration. Sure, they didn't have all the same classes but he had heard that 'Emily' was nowhere to be found and now it was time for dinner. All throughout class visions of horrible scenarios had danced through his head that had befallen Remus. Maybe he had been attacked by a troll in the bathroom? Maybe he had fallen unconscious because of the wayward spell. Maybe Remus was on an adventure, and if so then why wasn't he invited? That would be awfully rude of Remus.

"Sirius, will you calm down?" James whispered so he wouldn't be overheard. "I'm sure Remus is fine. He probably went to the library for some research on how to change us back and lost track of time. You know how he does that sometimes."

Sirius wasn't convinced as he worriedly pushed his food around his plate. He was going to tell James that when the entire Great Hall gasped before falling silent. Sirius whipped his head around to see what the commotion was. He dropped his fork when he saw what everyone was staring at.

There was Snape. He was holding hands with a girl. And not just any girl but Remus. His best friend had just become friends with his mortal enemy. Sirius gripped tufts of his beautiful hair in abject horror. Clearly something was seriously wrong with the world and he wanted _off_ this wacky ride.

The unlikely pair was making their way over towards the Gryffindor table as the students resumed talking in excited whispers. Sirius opened his mouth to protest when he heard a strangled sound followed by a thud. He turned around. James had fainted.


	5. 5 Late Night Rendezvous

**Chapter 5: Late Night Rendezvous **

Sirius banged his head against the desk in front of him in aggravation. Okay, so maybe he could have handled that a little better. Although in Sirius' defense, seeing his best friend acting all chummy with his mortal enemy had thrown him for a loop. And had he mentioned they were holding hands? As in his male friend turned female (although still technically male) with fingers all interlocked with another bloke. Not that Sirius had any problems if Remus was a pouff, or pouffs in general, but with Snape? Okay, just…_Snape_? Had Remus learned nothing about that git throughout their years together at Hogwarts? Come on-- it was just-- he-- Snape!

So like any concerned friend, he had accused Snape of doing something to his friend (because Remus would have _never _touched the prat if he was in his right mind since Remus wasn't really a touchy-feely type of person). One thing had led to another as their argument had escalated until Sirius' wand was out and Snape was laid out on the floor unconscious for the second time in one day.

To make matters worse, his very own friend had slapped him across the face, shooting him a dirty look, before the brunette had trailed after James and Snape to the Hospital Wing. Sirius had been so surprised he hadn't even made a cheeky remark as Professor McGonagall bore down on him with murder in her eyes as she all but dragged him to the Head Master's office.

Which was where Sirius was now, sitting across from the Head Master (who Sirius could _swear_ the wizard had been sitting at the dining table not two seconds ago. There was no way he could have gotten up three flights of stairs and waiting in his chair with that mystical twinkle in his eyes before McGonagall had barged in. What did he do, _teleport_?), and sucking on a blood pop. He didn't know how that had happened either, he didn't even _like _blood pops.

Sirius groaned and banged his head against the desk again, bemoaning his life. Now Remus probably hated him or was having some kinky illicit love affair with Snape. That was just…great. He dropped his head against the desk, a vague ache pounding behind his eyes as he sucked on the metallic tasting lollipop.

"Are you all right, Sirius?" Professor Dumbledore asked serenely, vaguely concerned as he watched his student try to give himself a concussion.

"Yeah, I'm good," Sirius groaned, rubbing his forehead where he was sure a huge red mark was showing. "I'm just having a midlife crisis."

"You're only sixteen," the professor pointed out, sending a light healing spell for Sirius' no doubt headache before setting out a cup of lemon tea.

"Well I don't plan on living that long," Sirius replied, grateful that his headache was gone. "Remus will murder me as soon as I talk to him if Snape doesn't do it first when he wakes up."

"Never underestimate the power of friendship," Dumbledore said, taking a sip of tea. "You'd be surprised at what you can learn."

"I suppose so," Sirius agreed distractedly as he smoothed out the pleats of his skirt. He didn't know what Dumbledore was getting at but it wasn't a lecture, much to Sirius' relief. Perhaps the Headmaster had succumbed to his feminine charms and had given him a lighter sentence. Hmm, this was something to look into. "Is that all, sir?" he asked, already getting up so he could meet James in the Hospital Wing. It was time for some much needed teasing at James for fainting in front of everyone, plus Sirius needed to talk some sense into poor deluded Remus.

"Ah, not quite," Dumbledore said with a slight smile tilting up the corners of his mouth.

Sirius didn't like that knowing spark in Dumbledore's eyes. No matter how many people claimed Dumbledore was a nice guy the man could still think of the most devious, but seemingly harmless, punishments ever known to man. Sirius knew he hadn't weaseled out of a punishment. So much for feminine charms.

"Since we're on the topic of friendship, I've noticed that you have quite a lot of friends yourself," the professor continued.

Sirius nodded suspiciously, not liking where this was going. "I guess so," he said carefully.

"And at this school, I would like to think that everyone should be friendly with one another to create equality and harmony. Don't you agree?"

"Yes sir, absolutely." Was there a hint of a smirk behind that beard of his?

"Then you would agree that in order to be friendly with one's fellow student one would have to get to know the person to make a connection. Am I correct on this?"

Now Sirius was really starting to worry. He knew that tone of voice anywhere. It was the same one he used to sucker someone into something they really didn't want to do. He did it all the time on Remus. If only he knew what Dumbledore was trying to say.

Dumbledore was waiting for a reply from the silent Sirius. "That is correct," Sirius said quickly. Oh he was really in for it now. That tiny smirk was now a full-blown 'I got you now and this isn't really a gleeful smirk but a friendly I'm just a doddering old man smile' smirk.

Dumbledore clapped his hands together in satisfaction. "Excellent Sirius. I knew you would agree."

Sirius stared at him blankly. "Agree to what?"

Professor Dumbledore smiled at him affably. "Why I knew that you would agree to spend some time with Severus Snape. You two have been on unpleasant terms with each other for so long and I think that it's honorable for you to take the first step in the right direction towards forming a friendship."

Sirius gaped at him. "What?" he asked outraged. "I did no such thing!"

"Yes, your goal towards a friendly and harmonious school really warms this old man's heart," Dumbledore continued, blithely ignoring the sputtering Sirius. "You can start your honorable goal tomorrow after classes are over. You and Snape will be spending time together cleaning the Potions room every night for two weeks and forming a bond of trust and friendship. I do believe that would be enough time to become friends," he said thoughtfully. "Now be off." He used his wand to create a wind to gently push the stunned Sirius out of his office.

"But professor-" Sirius said. He didn't get to finish his protest when the door closed in his face.

Professor Dumbledore smiled placidly and leaned back in his chair. It was good being the headmaster of Hogwarts.

* * *

Remus was fidgeting nervously in the chair he'd drawn up alongside James' bed, every so often smoothing out the pleats of his skirt. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to spring the notion of his new friendship with Snape on his friends. Of course he knew Peter would be okay, the boy seemed to go along with the flow and James was generally unfazed by anything. He blamed the new female hormones on James' little fainting spell. Sirius on the other hand…

A mumbled groan came from the sterile white bed James was resting in before a hand shot out of the sheets to fumble around the bed. Remus wordlessly handed the boy his glasses. "What happened?" James asked muzzily, running a hand through his ruffled hair.

"Hospital Wing," Remus replied. "You fainted." He handed James a Pepper Up Potion Madam Pomfrey had given to him. The Mediwitch was too busy trying to reverse the spells done on Snape to give it to James herself.

James swallowed the potion with a grimace, sticking out his tongue at the after taste. "I did not faint," he protested. "I had a manly swoon."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Whatever, you 'manly swooned' in front of everyone and you were sent to the Hospital Wing to recuperate."

"Where's Peter?" he asked, looking around the nearly empty room. He felt better already and the swelling from where he banged his head against the table was going down. Potions were a wonderful thing.

"He kept hovering to the point of distraction so I sent him to go find some counter spells," Remus replied. "Snape still isn't the same and Sirius-"

"Did I hear my name?" Sirius interrupted, gliding into the room. He paused at the foot of James' bed with a mocking grin on his face. "I see someone has woken up from their faint."

"It was a manly swoon," James interjected stubbornly.

"And where's our favorite prank target?" Sirius ignored the boy, looking around the room for another occupied bed. "I've got a bone to pick with him. I've got assigned detention with the little ingrate to 'make friends,'" he said, making air quotes around the term.

Remus perked up at this, maybe there was some hope after all. "I think it's a great idea. It's about time to start over a new leaf."

Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes, plopping down on the edge of James' bed. "Why? Things have been going fine as it is."

"Do you honestly expect me to believe that?" Remus questioned, crossing his arms over his chest. "You call receiving multiple detentions a year because of breaking rules and getting into fights as 'fine'?"

Sirius lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. "I'd say it's a job well done. It's our duty as upstanding Hogwarts students to break as many rules as possible."

"And being turned into girls?"

"That wasn't our fault," Sirius pointed out. "If Snape hadn't been such a git none of this would have happened."

"Or maybe we didn't have to prank him," Remus muttered. "Don't you get tired of it?" he continued at the questioning look Sirius was shooting him. "I don't see why we have to target him all the time."

"Because he deserves it," Sirius responded simply as if it were the most obvious answer in the world.

"No he doesn't," Remus denied, feeling anger welling up within him. "And I'm tired of not saying anything about it."

Sirius' easy smile slipped a little at Remus' outburst. He'd never seen his friend get so worked up, and over something as inconsequential as_Snape._ "But he's-"

"What? Different?" Remus cut in, lupine eyes flashing as he glared at his friend. "In case you haven't noticed, Sirius, I'm different too. So why don't you humiliate me and call me names and crush _my_ feelings?"

Sirius waved a hand flippantly, scoffing at the absurd idea that he would ever do that to Remus. "Don't be silly, Remus. You're my friend."

"And he could be too!" Remus yelled, hands clenched into fists as he tried to make Sirius understand. "He could have been," he aid in a quieter tone, not wanting Madame Pomfrey to come rushing in. "But then you go and push him away with your stupid pranks, and it makes me so angry that I could, could" he sighed, tilting his head backwards and running a hand through his hair long hair.

"Deck me again?" Sirius replied sarcastically, faintly rubbing a hand along his jaw line.

James zeroed in on the huge bruise coloring Sirius' jaw and his mouth opened in surprise. "Wait, he hit you? Remus?" He hadn't known his usually passive friend had it in him. "Just what exactly happened while I was out? He had been watching his friends argue back and forth across his bed, unsure of what he should do or where the animosity between the two had come from.

"Sirius hexed Snape," Remus said, turning to glare at the boy.

"That's because he was holding hands with you!" he shouted in outrage. "Why are you defending him?" He just couldn't understand why Remus cared so much about the git. "I thought you were _my _friend," he added sullenly, pointedly looking away from the other boy.

Remus sighed and laid a hand on Sirius' arm. "Of course I'm your friend," he scoffed lightly, trying to lighten the tone of the conversation. "I'll always be, but this is the perfect chance to make more friends and put old differences aside." He shrugged and fiddled with the hem of his shirt.

Sirius clenched his jaw tightly, unwilling to relent in his point of view. He just didn't understand why Remus would waste so much effort on the mean-spirited prat who had caused them nothing but trouble. He was the one who had started the whole feud after all back in first year when he made a comment about Remus. But Moony seemed so earnest about it, as much as he loathed to admit it, and if that made the boy happy… Dammit, he hated being such a caring friend. Oh the sacrifices he made.

"Fine," he muttered, flopping back down on the bed and landing heavily across James' knees, "but if I get transfigured into a newt for holding out the ol' olive branch to the little berk, I reserve the right to prank him."

James sighed and shifted from his sitting position on the bed, feeling as if a huge argument had just been avoided. It wasn't like his friends to get so cross with each other. It must be the girl hormones. "So we stop pranking him and suddenly he wants to be our friend as if the years of animonisty between us meant nothing?" James asked, trying to get a clear perspective of what was going on.

Remus shook his head, righting his chair before dragging it closer to the bed to sit next to his friends. "See, that's the point. He has these huge gaps in his memory from the mix of spells we cast on him, and the ones Sirius cast on him recently didn't help that," he said, giving a pointed look to Sirius who was twirling his long, black hair around with his finger.

"I'm not sorry for that." Sirius mouth curved into a faint grin, it had been worth it. As if he'd allow that git to touch Moony.

Remus rolled his eyes and huffed. "Whatever, the point I'm trying to make is that he doesn't remember what happened in the common room or who we really are."

"So it's a clean slate," James said, catching on to the point.

"More or less," Remus agreed. "Madam Pomfrey has been working on Snape, but everything else is fine so the Headmaster still wants him attending classes."

"And serving detention," Sirius added with a scowl, remembering the punishment Dumbledore had given him. "I've got two weeks with Snape cleaning out the Potions room."

Remus nearly beamed at him as he got up from his chair. "Excellent, this would be the perfect opportunity to become friends with Snape. Maybe then when he regains his memory he'll remember how nice you were to him and have at least a civil relationship."

Sirius highly doubted that, and was going to tell Remus too when Madam Pomfrey came bustling back in to check on her patient. Once she was satisfied everything was in order, she shooed the 'girls' out of the Hospital Wing and back to Gryffindor tower.

* * *

"How are we supposed to get to bed?" Remus muttered, rubbing his sore bum after he had been unceremoniously dropped on it for the fourth time. They had all tried climbing up the girls' staircase to sleep in the girls' room to keep up with their charade, but every time the stairs had locked into a slide. Remus was getting pretty tired of it and was almost willing to sleep on the floor.

Sirius gave a devilish grin as he help his friend up. "Easy Remus. If we can't go up the girls' room to sleep, much to my everlasting regret, then we're just going to have to, you know…" he trailed off suggestively giving a meaningful look towards the boys' staircase.

"We can't do that!" Remus exclaimed scandalized. "In case you've forgotten people actually think we're really girls. Girls don't sleep in the boys' room. That's why they have separate rooms. What would they think? What would you think?"

"Um, that those are some lucky guys?" James asked.

"I'd be wondering why they aren't coming to _my _room," Sirius said obviously insulted at the mere thought that girls wouldn't be visiting his room.

Remus threw his hands up in the air. "Why do I bother?" he asked looking towards the ceiling. "Why do I even bother?"

"That is a good question Remus and I'd love to answer it in depth but I'm tired and I want to go to bed," Sirius said giving a yawn. "Shall we?"

"This is madness," Remus muttered as he let himself be dragged up the stairs. Thankfully these ones didn't decide to dump him on his backside.

"McGonagall did say that we had to sleep in our own room," James pointed out from behind Remus.

"James is right. We wouldn't want to break the rules and get McGonagall even madder for today. I think we gave her enough gray hair for one day," Sirius said pushing open the door. "You know now that I think about it her hair used to be a lot darker," he said over his shoulder. "I guess we could-" He stopped suddenly for some unknown reason causing Remus to smash his nose into Sirius's back.

"Why did you…?" Remus trailed off as he stood on his toes to look over Sirius's shoulder.

Every Gryffindor boy of all years was sitting in the room. Their mouths were open in a silent scream as they stared at them, their eyes as big as headlights. Some had their shirts unbuttoned, some were shirtless, and some were hanging around in their boxers as they lounged around the room in a loose circle.

Remus ducked his head behind Sirius's shoulder, embarrassed beyond belief. It wasn't like he hadn't seen half naked guys before. Sirius had used every available opportunity to ruffle the easily ruffled feathers of Remus, as such Remus wasn't aware.

Now though, now Remus was very aware of the boys before him. They were so very male and he was so clearly very not. Remus later blamed it one the dang girl hormones that made him blush a very deep red.

"Well, this certainly isn't the girls dormitory," Sirius said, breaking the awkward silence.

James would later say that the horrified screams that rent the air would put a pack of South American howler monkeys to shame.

* * *

Professor Dumbledore sighed and looked over the top of his half moon glasses at the four people standing in front of his desk. One looked livid, one looked worried, one looked relaxed, and one looked like a cat that had just eaten a canary. He decided to address that one first.

"So Sirius, what brings you back to my office so soon. I hope you haven't broken any more rules tonight."

Sirius looked shocked. "Me, sir? I haven't broken any rules tonight."

"That is an outright lie," Professor McGonagall bit out. "Those hooligans decided it would be funny to sneak up to the boys' room and create a ruckus." She had rushed up the stairs thinking that some boys were in mortal danger when she had heard the screaming. Instead she had seen a whole mass of undressed boys and three girls standing in the midst of them as if they thought the entire thing was amusing.

"Really Professor, I was doing what you told us to do," Sirius said.

Remus nodded. "You said, 'You will be sleeping in your own room like you have for the past couple months. In case you forgot you are male despite your physical appearance thus you will stay in the boys' dormitory,'" he recited.

James spread his hands. "There you have it Professor," he said. "How could we disobey such a direct order?"

"It's not our style," Sirius said rubbing his painted fingernails on his shirt. "We might bend and or disregard rules, regulations, commands, instructions, or forceful suggestions but it seems a bit underhanded to go against that. We do have some morals you know."

Professor McGonagall looked ready to pass out from outrage and James subtly shifted to the right to giver her some room in case she did.

Professor Dumbledore held up his hand for silence when it looked like another argument was about to ensue. "It's getting late and I think that we're all a little cross right now," he said placating. McGonagall shut her mouth and pressed her lips together. Cross was an understatement in her opinion.

"I think that in order to resolve this problem swiftly you three will have a room to yourselves neither on the boys' side or the girls' but in between."

Remus looked confused. "I wasn't aware there was another set of stairs leading to different rooms."

Dumbledore's gave a mysterious smile making Sirius's eye twitch. He remembered the last time Dumbledore had smiled like that. "My boy, there are many rooms and staircases in Hogwarts, some that I don't even know of yet," was all he said.

The boys looked eager to see their new room and were already starting to head out the door. "Hold it," Professor McGonagall said stopping the boys.

Dumbledore looked at her questioningly. "Yes?" he inquired.

"What about their punishment? They were going against school rules and caused a disturbance."

Professor Dumbledore looked thoughtful. "I think it was all just a misunderstanding," he stated simply.

"But the punishment?" McGonagall asked.

"As to that, I think that stumbling in upon fifty boys in various stages of undress was enough of a punishment don't you think?"

"_Yes,_" Remus gasped nodding his head vigorously. He never wanted that to happen again. He didn't think his sensibilities could take another episode of a shirtless Peter as long as he lived. He remembered that one time he had accidentally walked in on Peter when he was taking a shower during their second year. He still had the occasional nightmare to this day.

"And maybe they have to keep their female forms for a little while longer, wouldn't that be fair?" Dumbledore said satisfied, his eyes twinkling as he folded his hands atop his desk. The three Marauders visibly wilted, Remus looking horrified but he didn't say anything as all three nodded their heads silently in confirmation. "Excellent, then it's settled."

McGonagall let a small sigh escape as she ushered the boys out of Dumbledore's office. "It's way past midnight. Go right to bed and no more disturbances," she said sternly as she walked them to the entrance of the Gryffindor tower.

"Yes, Professor," Remus said climbing though the portrait.

"Of course, Professor," James said following after Remus.

"Pleasant dreams, Professor," Sirius said sweetly.

Professor McGonagall watched the door swing shut before she hurried back to her own quarters. She definitely needed a raise after all of this, and a generous amount of firewhiskey.


	6. 6 The Half Naked Truth

**Chapter 6: The Half-Naked Truth **

Peter sat with his head propped in his hand and tried not to close his eyes. He knew that if he did he would most assuredly fall asleep and then he wouldn't finish his essay Professor McGonagall had assigned.

He wasn't the only one who was struggling to stay awake. All of the Gryffindor boys were trying not to close their eyes to catch up on the sleep they missed out on yesterday. After McGonagall had ordered everyone to their rooms yesterday after dinner all anyone could do was talk about the fight that had broken out. It wasn't only the girls that had stayed up late to gossip and speculate about what had happened much to Peter's surprise.

All he had wanted to do was go to sleep but his other roommate had started talking about his friends. Peter thought it wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't invited another friend who in turn had invited another. Soon it seemed like everyone was packed into his room for the 'gossip party.' Everyone had wanted to know about the 'new girls' and since he was a friend with all of them, naturally all the attention had fallen to him. Peter didn't know if he'd been embarrassed because of his newfound popularity or of the boys discussing what they wanted to do to his friends.

Peter dropped his head down with a thunk on his oversized textbook and groaned. He really had to get this done. Normally he was all set to skive on his homework because Remus would be there to help him out later. As much as he wanted to today, he didn't think that was a good idea considering Remus was still a little peeved that he'd been turned into a girl without a sure way to turn back. The spell book they had used had disappeared and Peter was pretty sure that was his fault since he was the last one to use it. It was another reason why he was staying clear from his friend.

The door to the temporary common room for his friends opened and Sirius flounced in with a scowl painted across his face. He gave a dramatic sigh and threw himself down on an overstuffed couch. "I can't believe I have to do this," he groused.

"It's only for two weeks," Remus pointed out as he leafed through a Charms book. He was trying to find a spell to lengthen his uniform skirt, which in his very modest opinion, showed off far too much leg. And it was drafty, how did girls stand it?

"Two weeks of torture," Sirius replied.

"It could be worse," James said distractedly. He was too busy exploring all the new features in the room Dumbledore had given them while they were still girls. There were a couple locked doors that didn't appear on the Marauder's Map and James was determined to see what was behind them.

"How could it be worse?" Sirius griped. "I have to be friends," he made a face at that, "with Snape. It's so unfair. Do you know what that'll do to my reputation?"

"Relax Sirius," James said. They used their real names when no one else was around, no one else being anyone that didn't know the Marauders weren't girls. It was awkward at first, having to remember not to call Remus, Moony or Sirius, Sirius instead of Emily or Frankie, but the boys got used to it after a while. "Your predicament might be fun."

"Fun for whom?" Sirius scoffed.

James raised his eyebrows suggestively. "What do you think?" he asked before he went back to picking at a lock from a random door near the far wall of the common room. None of the spells he used had worked and James _knew _there was something awesome behind it if the door would just open. He was this close to taking and axe to it.

Sirius grinned, his petulant mood suddenly lifting and his steps noticeably lighter as he made his way towards the door. "Try not to kill anyone," Remus murmured as he circled a promising spell.

"Don't be silly Remus," Sirius said, teasingly flicking Remus' ponytail as he walked past his friend, "Azkaban doesn't suit my complexion." He waved cheerily as he left, already thinking of amusing ways to spend the time with his dear, dear friend Severus Snape.

* * *

"Soooooo…" Sirius said dipping his green toothbrush in the sudsy bucket before applying it to the potions table in front of him. When he arrived in the Potions Rooms Professor McGonagall was there to issue out the punishment of scrubbing the entire Potion's room with out using magic. Thus, a purple toothbrush was forced into his one hand and a bucket in the other as McGonagall bit out a warning before storming out.

And so here they were, scrubbing crusted over potions from the tables until they were done or their hands fell off. Sirius hoped it would happen to Snape but a quick glance over at the boy told him it wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Sirius supposed that was good because he didn't feel like cleaning Snape's half of the room if it happened.

"Soooooooo…" Sirius said again, stopping his scrubbing to brush a lock of hair behind his ear. He really needed one of those elastic thingies the girls always wore around their wrist. He'd ask one of them later.

"So what?" Snape asked irritably. He wasn't in a very charitable mood to begin with and being stuck with that she-hag didn't make it any better, especially since he was now cleaning potions with a toothbrush instead of the rag Professor McGonagall had originally handed him.

"So Snape, what's a kid like you doing in a place like this?"

Snape gave a disgusted growl. "What?" he snapped.

Sirius raised his hand in a defensive manner. "Hey, I'm just trying to make polite conversation. As long as we're going to be in each other's company for two weeks I thought we might at least be tolerant of each other."

Snape gritted his teeth and forced out something to say. Anything really so he could concentrate on cleaning the tables and finishing his detention. "I have detention," he muttered. "Just like you do incase you forgot," he added snidely. No need to be too charitable. He couldn't remember much about the girl, but for some reason every time he saw the girl a feeling of hate welled up. He was only halfway tolerant because Emily was friends with the she hag, and he happened to like Emily.

"Come here often?"

Snape paused, his hand poised above the bucket of suds. "What kind of question is that?" he bit out before plunging his toothbrush into the water.

"Well it definitely wasn't a rhetorical one," the girl said. "You do know what that means right?"

Snape gripped his toothbrush and concentrated his mounting anger on a stubborn stain on the table that refused to be clean. Merlin, why did that sweet Emily hang around such an obnoxious prat? Snape's fingers twitched and he really wished he could use his wand, but he didn't hex girls. Of course, for this one he could possibly make an exception.

"Could you shut up?" Snape muttered as the girl continued to prattle on, her high voice was grating on his very last nerves and he tried to take his anger out on cleaning. He concentrated on rubbing out a stain that looked like a certain someone's face. It seemed to be just as annoying too.

"Well fine, if that's what you want…" Sirius trailed off. He was slightly disappointed that Snape wasn't doing anything that could be made fun of. He was just standing there on his side of the room…cleaning. _How utterly boring_, Sirius thought.

Sirius looked at his own half cleaned table, which didn't look that clean thanks to his half-assed attempts, to the other tables he had yet to clean. There were five more, each dirtier than the last and the last one simply caked in potions and numerous scorch marks. Sirius scowled. He just _had_ to have the side where Frank Longbottom sat at.

He looked at the tables then at his pitifully small toothbrush and then back at the tables again which seemed to grow twice as large. There was no way he would be able to finish this by tonight.

A wicked grin snuck across Sirius's face as an idea formed. He looked at his toothbrush again. _This toothbrush is going to take me too long to clean all these tables, _he thought. _So I'll need something bigger like a rag. And since there are no rags at hand, why, a shirt would be the next best thing! _

Satisfied with his logic, Sirius tossed his toothbrush over his shoulder and proceeded to undo his tie.

Snape had been bored out of his mind and was almost sorry that he had snapped at that she-hag. Her constant chatter was better than the silence. He rethought his opinion when he felt something hit the back of his head. _What the-?_ He thought before looking doing. _A toothbrush? She threw a toothbrush at me? _Before he could utter his outrage, something soft plopped down on his head. Snape grumbled something and snatched the offending object off his head. It was a red and yellow striped tie, the girl's tie to be exact.

Snape turned around to deliver a no doubt extremely witty and scathing insult that had something to do with ties and pig-headed girls but nothing came out. The two toothbrushes dropped from his loose grip as he gaped at the girl who seemed to be taking off her clothes. "What are you doing?" he asked outraged, pointing an accusing finger at the girl.

The girl turned around, her hands in the process of undoing another button near the bottom. "What does it look like I'm doing?" she asked, smirking at Snape's obvious discomfort.

Snape waved his hand around. "Undressing! It looks like you're undressing, that's what!" Had the girl no _shame? _He could feel his face heat up in embarrassment and he tried to quell the look with a glare instead.

The girl sighed and leaned back against the table, resting her hands on either side of the table behind him. This managed to pull her shirt open and exposed part of her midriff, something that Snape noticed briefly before tearing his gaze away.

Sirius looked down at himself as if surprised to find his two bottom buttons undone. "How about that?" he asked amazed as he tried to fight a smirk at Snape's flustered expression. "Why that's quite unusual. It's not everyday someone's shirt wants to shuck off a person, usually it's the other way around." He looked at his shirt again and poked it cautiously as if wondering if it was alive. "But quite right you are, I do seem to be undressing."

Snape resisted the urge to beat the girl senseless with his wand for such maddening antics. He resisted barely but took out his wand incase he needed to defend himself from this girl who seemed to be quite unbalanced. "But _why _are you undressing?" he asked.

"Besides the fact that my shirt appears to want to get rid of me?" Sirius mused, having way too much fun as he propped his hip against the counter and took on a thoughtful expression. "It's because it's part of my master plan. Since McGonagall unfairly, and with no warning and had nothing to do with me what so ever, made us wash these stupid tables with these toothbrushes, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Since we can't use magic to clean the tables then we shall use the next best thing." He pulled at his half-unbuttoned shirt to accentuate his point. "Shirts."

Snape looked at him skeptically. "We're going to use your shirt to clean the tables?"

Sirius shook his head. "No. _I'm_ going to use my shirt and clean my tables. _You_ can use your own shirt. But please," he said holding up a hand, "don't make me see that. It will offend my delicate sensibilities."

"But what about _my_ sensibilities?" Snape asked outraged.

Sirius waved him off with one manicured hand. "Please, guys don't have sensibilities." He should know, he _was _a guy. Or well, had been one until recently and he could safely say he had almost no shame when it came to things. Hey, life was short so there was no sense in wasting it on pleasantries.

Snape chose to ignore that. "I will not allow you to take off your shirt. I don't care what you say but it's indecent," he sniffed crossing his arms against his chest.

"I wouldn't care if you took off your shirt," Sirius said. "Well okay, maybe not you, but some other guy I wouldn't mind taking off his shirt."

Snape rolled his eyes. "That's because you're a girl. Girls like that sort of thing."

"What if I told you I was a guy?" Sirius asked, almost wanting Snape to remember what had happened in the Slytherin Common Room just to see the expression on Snape's face.

"I'd say you confirmed my suspicions that you were crazy," Snape replied dismissively.

Sirius looked intrigued. "You think I'm crazy? What do you do, spend all day up in your room jotting down everything suspicious about me in your diary?"

"No," Snape replied stiffly. It was actually a journal and he only did it sometimes. It was one of the few things he'd remembered since waking up in the supply closet.

"Oh," Sirius said slightly disappointed. He had hoped to steal Snape's diary to see what the git wrote about him. "Well, just suppose that I was a guy."

Snape looked suspicious. "Okay."

"So say I was a guy, then you wouldn't care if I took off my shirt."

Snape considered this. "Well, I guess not."

"Good," Sirius looked satisfied and undid another button.

Snape looked scandalized. "Stop that!"

Another button undone. "Why? You said you'd pretend that I was a guy."

"I never said that!" Snape said outraged. "Besides, guys don't wear skirts."

"Clearly you've never been to Scotland," Sirius said before undoing another button.

"That's not the point," Snape gritted out.

"Then what is? Afraid you'll see something you'll like," Sirius taunted.

"Most definitely not," he responded acidly and turned around so he wouldn't have to face that she-hag.

Sirius shrugged. "Your loss." He fiddled with another one of his buttons. "You know, there's another reason why I'm doing this."

"Oh?" Was all he said. He had lost interest in the crazy girl and figured if he just ignored her then she would go away.

He went to go pick up that hideous Gryffindor scarf and use it to clean the rest of the tables. He turned around to his table to bump into the girl who was standing directly behind him. "What are you doing?"

Snape was confused and Sirius used the opportunity to put his arms around Snape's shoulders. "I'm trying to seduce you," he said seriously. "And I want your children."

"You what!" Snape shouted, nearly jumping out of his skin. "What are--I mean-- you're doing-- that is," he stuttered and shoved himself away from the crazy brunette. In his haste to get away he stepped on the toothbrushes and lost his footing, sending his foot out from under him. He swung his arms out as he fell and knocked over his bucket of suds, which had the unfortunate luck of landing upside down on the boy.

Sirius couldn't hold it in any longer and shrieked with laughter, clutching his sides with tears steaming down his face that made his mascara run. "Y-your face," Sirius laughed. "Your face was priceless!" he gasped, banging his fist on the table. "I thought you were going to have a heart attack when I said I was trying to seduce you. Me!" He pointed to himself. "And you!" He sat down on a stool heavily before his knees gave out. He snorted and laughed again, wishing he had had a camera to take a picture of Snape's reaction.

Oh, how he _hated_ that unfortunate excuse for a person. Snape tried to ignore the hag as he yanked off the bucket and threw it away from him where it splintered against a wall. He pulled his shirt over his head and wrung out the excess water before clenching it in one hand. "Mark my words," he hissed, getting up and stomping towards the girl, "I will get you back for this and when that day comes-" he didn't get to finish as he had accidentally slipped on a patch of suds to slam into the girl where they fell to the floor in a tangle of limbs.

It was at that precise moment that Professor McGonagall decided to walk in after leaving the two alone for three hours. "What is going on here?" she thundered, taking in the sight of the soap water spilled across the room, the splintered bucket, and the sight of writhing bodies in the middle of the floor.

"Help, Professor McGonagall!" Sirius shouted, unable to resist the golden opportunity trapped under the git to embarrass the boy some more. "Snape wants to take advantage of hot body!"

"That's not true Professor McGonagall!" Snape yelled mortified as he tried to get off the girl but kept slipping because of the suds. "She wants to seduce me and have my children!"

Professor McGonagall gripped the doorframe and tried to keep her temper in check. It was really too late to yell. She checked the time with a _tempus _spell. Correction, it was too early to yell. Instead she stormed in and pulled the two apart. "Not. Another. Word," she said sternly.

"But Professor," they both started.

"Silence," she snapped. They stopped talking immediately. She let go of their arms, too tired to wonder why their shirts were off or having the energy to do something about it. "Just, go to bed," she said tiredly and pulled out her wand to clean up the mess.

Snape slinked out of there grabbing his shirt on the way out. Sirius on the other hand looked around the room, seemingly unconcerned about his lack of a shirt. "Wow Professor. This place looks nice and clean. You wouldn't mind cleaning during the rest of my detentions, would you?" he asked hopefully. He sensed her withering glare and he shrunk back just a bit. "Didn't think so," he said meekly. He was back to his usual self in an instant when he realized he didn't have to stick around.

"Well it's been fun Minerva but I've got to get a little shut eye," he said brightly. "You know, I want to get my beauty rest. Not all of us can look as good as you," he said sweetly.

"Please leave, Sirius." McGonagall said wearily. "Now."

"Right-o. No need to tell me twice." He saluted her before fairly skipping out the door soaked to the skin and showing his rainbow push-up bra to the world. Professor McGonagall just hoped that he met no one in the hallway. She didn't think she was up to any more excitement for one day.

* * *

Remus smiled and modeled in front of the full-length mirror propped against the wall he'd transfigured from a chair. He had successfully found a way to alter his skirts and now they comfortably reached down to his ankles. "You don't think this looks too prudish?" he asked James, twirling this way and that in front of the mirror.

James rolled his eyes from his position on the couch, having given up on trying to open the door. Remus had forbidden him from using an axe to open the doors, although he hadn't said anything about explosives. "I think you look like McGonagall," he responded, pulling out his wand and aiming it at his friend. He said a spell and instantly Remus' skirt shrunk until it barely covered his bum.

"James, change it back!" he squawked, trying to tug down on indecently short skirt. The skirt stopped shrinking with another spell and lengthened about an inch. "You know, why can't you ever use your brain for useful spells?" Remus groused.

"Who said it wasn't useful?" James asked, waggling his eyebrows in a lewd manner. He ducked when Remus threw a book at his head.

"Oh honestly," Remus sighed as he tried to undo the damage done to his uniform. He looked up when the door slammed open and a half-naked Sirius waltzed through. "How was detention?" he asked as he eyed his soapy friend prancing around in a skirt and rainbow bra. Sirius really had no shame.

Sirius grinned and wiped off the soap on his hand in James's hair as he passed him. "Excellent Remus, excellent."

"And Snape?"

"Never been better. He just saw a half-naked female specimen proclaiming she wanted to seduce him and have his children."

"Oh." Remus blinked. "And here I thought you wanted to have _my _children."

"Silly Remus," Sirius said, "girls can't have children together." He patted his cheek. "Now when one of us turns back to normal then we'll talk."

"Let's hope that's soon then," Remus said, poking his friend Peter who had fallen asleep at the table. It was time for the boy to go back to his own dorm before McGonagall did her curfew rounds.

"Very soon, mate." Sirius grinned while draping an arm around Remus shoulders. "Oh, and nice skirt." He winked playfully at his friend.

James poked his tongue out and tried to wipe the suds out of his hair. He looked at his friends mildly as they continued to joke around before he zeroed in on what Sirius was wearing. It seemed vaguely familiar. "Hey!" he said indignantly. "That's my bra you jerk!"


	7. 7 Hogwarts' Most Wanted

**Chapter 8: Hogwarts' Most Wanted**

"Bugger," Peter groaned scanning the book pages, the spell he was looking for wasn't there. He slammed the thick textbook shut, running a hand through his short, mousy brown hair in agitation. He wished his friends were here to help him but Peter didn't want that. He had ventured into the library looking for a spell he could do to impress his friends, to prove that he was a Marauder and not a tagalong like everyone thought.

Peter had thought that looking for a spell to use would be simple seeing as how he was in a school of magic where spells were the necessity of life. (As Peter heard Sirius say time and time again.) Unfortunately he forgot to take into consideration the _type _of spell he wanted to use and as such he was weeding trough tons and tons of books.

He wanted to do something huge, something spectacular that his friends would sit up and notice his quiet genius. He could just imagine Sirius saying what a great prank it was and Remus quietly congratulating him on such a well thought out plan. And even James would say what a hero he was to pranksters everywhere. Okay, maybe not hero, but it was Peter's dream so he could think whatever the heck he wanted to.

The smile he had dimmed as he looked at the vast piles of spell books before him. He wished there was a way to make this go faster. He wanted to execute his plan before his friends got irritated at being girls and decided to turn on him. James and Sirius seemed okay, the former finally finding a way to get closer to Lily and the latter enjoying his crowd of admirers that was even more extensive than before. Remus was the only one who seemed to be in ill humors partly because the full moon was in less than two weeks away but also because he'd been continually hit on since his first day as "Emily." Privately Peter thought it was hilarious but he didn't say anything out loud within Remus' hearing distance. He didn't feel the need to die an early death, at least not until after he pulled off his amazing plan.

With that he turned back to the textbook and pressed on, fantasies of glory and appreciation from his friends dancing through his head.

--

In another part of the school James felt like he was in a dream. There he was sitting under the shade of an oak tree with the love of his life, Lily, and talking. Talking! It was the one thing he had hoped for weeks after The Incident. He wanted Lily to talk to him without shouting, without her terrifying death glares, and without the fiery anger usually evident in her eyes whenever she acknowledged his existence.

Now, after all his thoughts and dreams it had come true. Lily was smiling and laughing as she talked, joy animated in every movement she made. A buoyant expression lit up her face and made her green eyes sparkle a brilliant emerald. It was perfect for James and he smiled a big goofy grin, a love struck expression fixed on his face.

Lily's gaze slid over to him and he smiled. He watched her perfect pink lips move up and down. They looked soft and full and James wondered what they would taste like. He concluded they would be like spiced apricots, sweet but with a bite.

Let it be said that James was not the most poetic person in the world, even less when Lily was around, so making nonsensical similes was the best he could do. He smiled anyway, thinking about apricots and spices, which led to him thinking about pie. He smacked his lips together lightly; he did love pie.

A strange look passed across Lily's face. "Janet?" she asked. "Janet?" She waved her hand in front of James' face, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"I agree completely," he said automatically, hastily wiping the drool from his mouth with the back of his hand.

He heard giggling and he turned, slightly surprised to see two other girls sitting on the blanket with him and Lily. He had forgotten about the other classmates Lily had invited to join on the impromptu Saturday picnic. James thought Elizabeth Berkley and Molly Furlong were their names.

One of the girls, Molly he thought, turned to grin at Lily. "See, even she notices that James fancies you like mad," she said and James almost choked on his cookie. Partly in embarrassment because it was frightfully odd hearing someone talk about him, and partly because the conversation just got ten times more interesting.

James thought he detected a hint of a blush on Lily's beautiful cheeks. Or it could be the beginning stages of anger; he was never able to tell the two apart. It was probably why he never knew when to shut up and placate Lily before she smacked him upside his head.

"Yes, well maybe if he wasn't such an arrogant berk," Lily shot back, twisting a napkin in her lap and James' happiness just skyrocketed. That was almost as good as admitting she liked him. The others seemed to catch on two as they laughed at Lily.

"Ah, romance," Elizabeth sighed. "I can see it now. He'll ask you out-"

"Like he does every day," Lily cut in.

"And you'll say yes," Elizabeth continued. "And you'll grow up and get married to live in a little cottage with a child and two dogs." James nodded his head vigorously because _yes_ that was exactly what he was thinking, so maybe there was hope after all.

Lily snorted and threw her half-eaten sandwich at her friend. "Oh come off it, that's never going to happen," she scoffed with a faint blush.

"The lady doth protest too much," Molly said sagely, plucking a candy from the picnic basket. "What do you think Janet?" she asked, elbowing James playfully in the side.

James's head was whirling at all the new information. At first he thought that Lily hated him but now that didn't seem to be true. Could she possibly like him after all, as a friend even? Maybe more? "I, um," James said, tantalizing possibilities of Lily and him laughing together and acting like friends passing through his head. "I don't know. I suppose so…" he trailed off, too caught up in his own world to pay attention to the conversation.

Lily rolled her eyes as the noon bell rang, starting to pack up the stuff. "Okay you guys, you've had your fun now lay off." A smile graced her lips and James caught the twinkle in her beautiful green eyes and knew there was hope after all.

James laughed to himself, his spirits rising dramatically as he helped fold up the yellow blanket. They were so going to name their child James Jr.

--

Peter snuck down the hallway, nervous energy twitching about him as he made his way towards the kitchens. He had finally found the perfect spell to use and all it had taken was a couple hours. Professor Slughorn would have been proud at the way Peter had carefully followed the directions and even added in the ingredients in the correct order. Peter had been keeping at it throughout the afternoon in an empty classroom down near the lesser-used hallways.

It was just a simple hair loss potion that he was going to use on his friends as a way to get back at all the small pranks pulled on him. It wasn't anything too serious and the potion was reversible with a simple spell. Peter just wanted his friend to take notice at his quiet genius and then perhaps laugh about it later that he had done such an awesome prank.

Peter almost tripped over his long robes and dropped his precious potion but he held on tightly, taking a furtive glance around to see if anyone had heard him. It would have been so much easier if Peter had had James' invisibility cloak but he didn't want to make James suspicious if he asked.

When no one came out to grab him by the ear and demand what he was doing up at this late hour Peter continued. It was easy work tickling the pear in the silver bowl and pulling open the door. The large kitchen was dark, save for the small glowing light at the tip of Peter's wand.

He looked about the dark room warily. He wasn't exactly sure when the house elves went about their work or where the slept and he didn't want to wake any well-meaning elf who happened to be around. He set his potion on the nearest counter top hovering around the room uncertainly. He hadn't actually thought of what to do now that his potion was completed. Should he look for some food and slip it in? Maybe he should hide it among the spice rack somewhere, was there even a spice rack?

Peter sat dejectedly on an overturned crate, chin cradled in his hands. He should have thought this out better; he didn't know what he was doing. James was always the tactical one when it came to the fine details with a guiding hand from Remus. What did he know about pulling a prank? Self-doubt crowded his mind for a minute before he shoved the thoughts away determinedly, sitting a little straighter on the crate and squaring his shoulders. He wasn't going to be "poor old Peter" and he wasn't going to quietly fade into the background like usual. He _was_ smart and he _was_ going to pull this off because it was a good prank, it really was and he'd show everyone just what he could do.

With that mindset he stood up and promptly bumped into a house elf. "Oh, I'm s-sorry," Peter said in a small voice, managing to lose all his newfound confidence in a rush of expelled air. Assorted cookies and pastries littered the stone floors from when the elf had dropped the silver platter.

"No, it is Quiggles fault sir," the elf hurriedly squeaked out, trying to brush off dust from Peter's robes. "Quiggles should not have been standing so close, Quiggles thought-oh!" he broke off, clearly vexed with himself as he tugged on his ears nervously.

Peter flushed a light reddish color feeling extremely sorry for causing the elf discomfort. "No, it's all right," he whispered soothingly, trying to placate the distressed elf. "I-I shouldn't have been down here in the first place." He dropped to his knees to help pick up the sweets and place them back on the tray.

"Young sir is much too kind to Quiggles," the elf said after a moment of silence as he hurriedly scooped up the last of the treats. "Quiggles just wanted to help, young sir looked so lost standing there."

Peter gave a small smile looking down into Quiggles large brown eyes. "I suppose I did, I-I just wanted to…" he trailed off, waving his hand around in a vague gesture between the kitchen and the little blue bottle on the counter.

Quiggles' eyes lit up as he eyed the bottle, a happy grin on his face. "Ah, young sir wanted to surprise a friend with a special treat. Quiggles gets that all the time, young misses and sirs asking to have something special prepared for their friends. It makes Quiggles happy to serve."

Peter nodded uncertainly, feeling slightly bad for lying to the trusting elf. "Y-yeah, something like that," he said, fiddling with his wand. "Maybe you could put it in the drink, it's a special taste my friends will like."

Quiggles nodded happily clapping his small hands together. "Certainly young sir, certainly! Quiggles will make sure everything is okay for tomorrow."

Peter smiled, relieved that the hard part was over. "Thank you Quiggles," Peter said heartfelt. The elf looked faintly amused as he blushed, quickly shaking his head.

"Quiggles is more than happy, more than happy." He pushed a stool over towards the counter and deftly snatched the bottle from the counter to tuck into the folds of his tea-towel. "Now would young sir like something to go before he leaves?"

Peter was hesitant, the longer he stayed in the kitchen the greater chance he had of being caught, but one look at the piles of candies and bottles of pop melted all his doubts. He took the plate gratefully, already stuffing a cupcake into his mouth as he waved a cheery Quiggles goodbye in high spirits. This was going to be a prank no one would forget.

Quiggles hummed to himself as he watched the young sir leave, a tiny frown pulling down the corners of his wide mouth. He was going to ask which friend would get the special drink, but he didn't want to impose and the young sir had said friends meaning more than one. Quiggles figured it couldn't hurt to just mix it in with the giant batch of pumpkin juice for the morning so everyone can get the surprise, that way everyone can be happy.

He fingered the little bottle nervously before coming to his decision. It would be like one big party and surely everyone would be happy with that, he reasoned to himself as he walked back towards his sleeping place. But just in case he decided to put a little something special in the Gryffindor common as appeasement since he never got the young sir's name.

--

Peter was trying very hard to act casual as he sat across from James in the Great Hall. He wasn't doing a very good job of it as he knocked over his goblet of juice, dropped his fork three times, and kept staring at James that was faintly creeping James out. "Hey Peter," James said after a while of watching the boy act, well weird, "are you okay?"

Peter's heart was thumping twice as hard as normal as he gave James a brittle smile. "Of c-course," he stuttered out. "Why wouldn't I be?" _Please believe me_, he desperately pleaded.

James shot Peter a weird look, pointing his ketchup-coated fork at his friend. "Well for one, you've been tearing your toast into strips until it's nothing more than a pile of crumbs." Peter looked down to find that James was indeed right and he carefully placed down his pile of crumbs down next to his plate.

"And for another thing," Sirius added after shoving a strip of bacon into his mouth, "you haven't touched a thing on your plate. It's not like it's poisoned or something. Speaking of which, are you going to eat that?"

Peter shook his head and pushed the full plate of food towards Sirius. "Heh, I-I guess I'm not hungry. I had some food earlier in the kitchen." Oh Merlin, he couldn't keep this up much longer and he had the absolute worst poker face. Sirius was constantly telling him that as he once again took all his chips in the weekly poker games they played every week since their first year. It was lucky that they only played for fun and the occasional stash of food at hand or Peter would probably have lost his soul and his first born child to the way Sirius played.

Peter could feel sweat prickling the back of his neck as he tried not to glance from James' goblet of juice to his hair pulled back in butterfly clips in hopes of even a strand falling off when Sirius' fork clattered to the table. Sirius' eyes were wide as he stared at the strands of silky black hair in his hand after he had casually ran a hand through it. "Oh Merlin," he breathed horrified. "I'm balding!" he screeched terrified. He put a hand up to his head and his mouth dropped open in shock. One minute he had hair and the next it was entirely gone. "My hair!" he wailed, picking up his silver plate to see his reflection. "I'm bald!"

Peter had a small smile on his lips, prepared to laugh slightly and comment about his prank when he was interrupted. An outraged cry erupted from the Ravenclaw table as two fifth year brothers looked at each other, their bald heads gleaming in the light. One by one shouts went up around the room as students' hair suddenly vanished. Peter's face bleached of color as he looked around the room, a horrified shock racing up his spine when he saw that his potion had somehow gotten out to everyone. He nearly passed out as Professor Dumbledore stood up to settle down the students, his face looking entirely naked without his customary silver beard.

It proved unnecessary as the hall quieted unnaturally, furious eyes directed at the sole person who wouldn't need a toupee. Peter looked very much like a frightened rat as he cowered on the bench, facing down an enraged Sirius. It didn't matter if Sirius' form looked like a girl; his eyes were still the same and right now they were a dark stormy gray that promised a slow, agonizing death. "You," was all Sirius got out, that one word packed with more venom than Lily had ever directed at James and Peter knew the real meaning of fear. No one touched Sirius' hair, not even Remus, and Peter had gone and made it all disappear. He didn't have time to form a coherent thought to grovel for forgiveness when his strong sense of self-preservation kicked in and he ran. A horde of angry skinheads charged after him calling out for his blood with Sirius in the lead, marking Peter as the most wanted boy in Hogwarts' history.

* * *

A/N: Okay folks, this is the last revamped chapter. My interest in the HP fandom is pretty near dead, so I'm not sure about the fate of this story (or any new ones coming out, although I have plot outlines written up for two new stories that will probably never be written). It's been fun though and thanks for the reviews, favs, alerts, and reading.

-greenikat89


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